Otome Game Review – Desert Kingdom


Alternative Titles: デザート・キングダム

Company: Otomate

Release Date: 27.05.10

Official Site:

http://www.otomate.jp/

desert_kingdom/

Platform: PS2

Genre:AVG, otome,  romance, Arabian setting, magic

Plot Summary: Kay so this time round, we got ourselves a spoilt, arrogant half pint princess as our protagonist called Aspacia.  In her world of EVUU, Gods called Majin 魔神 exist and she’s from the magic world.  She’s always thought she was a purebreed God but one day, her magical abilities start going AWOL and it turns out her dad sexed up a human bimbo so really, she’s some halfbreed mongrel lololol.  Anyway, to regain her powers, her pops tells her that she’s gonna have to hop over to the human world and start granting wishes for the guys there and so from there our story begins :D

Aspacia;  She’s been trudging a godforbidfucking desert for 2 months in search of anything remotely human and hasn’t eaten nor drunk anything so she blacks out.  While she does, she starts breaking the 3rd wall and talks about her world of EVUU.  There, everyone possesses magic so they use it for everyday and everything there is made of magic.  Thus losing her powers meant that she’s rendered useless till her dadday came over, gave her some magic and told her 「人間と魔神のハーフってワケだ。YOU はHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALF!!」 xD.  Cuz of dat, her human blood is awakening nao and is killing off her magical powers.  Gods ere are created from human prayer and human belief so in order to regain some powah, she’s gotta make some humans happy and believe her so “GTFO hun and make some humans happy ;D” *kicks Aspacia off EVUU*  He also shoves some magic slave spirit  pixie thing of his called UNPARAPAPPA into a magic lamp and tosses it down with Aspacia and tells Unpara to take care of Aspacia.

So Aspacia wakes up and she’s STILL in the desert but it’s okay cuz a couple more steps and she sees a Desert Kingdom.  Unpara teaches her about using her LOL MACHINE GUN 魔神眼an innate Majin ability that allows her to sense ppl with strong desirues – granting bigger wishes gives her back more of her magic so the MACHINE GUN allows her to pick out high return targets.  Now off she goes ;D

Sera

The main guy.  I thought he’d be a prince cuz he looks like once wot with his blonde hair and smile and shiet but turns out he’s just a shop keeper (ZACCA) in this Desert Kingdom.  Lol yeah rite but more abt dat laterz. Personalitywise he’s pretty princely nice guy, smiley and kind to all but turns out he was a former delinquent and has all that Yankee badass past and dat ghetto slang talk sometimes surfaces wen he gets all yakuza on our asses xD

He’s the first target Unpara sets his eyes on and Unpara tells Aspacia to go for him.  Sera’s all happy nice and introduces her to the place while going all “???” when Aspacia introduces herself as a Majin and ain’t human.  Unpara tells her not to ask him rite off the bat wot his wish is cuz strangers don’t do that but Aspacia does it anyway and tells Sera that asking wishes = saying hello in her country lmao.  Anyway, Sera tells er that he’s got nutin he wants now especially since he’s such a hot chick like Aspacia herself so it’s all good.

Anyway, over the next few days, Aspacia goes around helping ppl and learns about the kingdom through Sera.  Turns out there’s this giant religious organisation called Kyoudan Moschino who are actually a corrupt bunch of dickwad with huge power over the place.  Sera quickly develops a soft spot for Aspacia but lol to his utter dismay, she acts completely uninterested for the most part, has no idea why he keeps asking her out and is completely unreceptive to all his smooth talking xD

One day, he takes Aspacia to some tranny Fieche’s shop to buy Aspacia a dress for some ball.  Yeah and Sera is a FUCKING GENIUS and picks out a SERA MEIDO dress – Sailor fuku x  maid costume dress xD OH YEAAAAH.  So Aspacia goes to the party with him which surprises Sera cuz he was expecting her to not show up and he asks why she did come.  Aspacia replies she don’t kno, just that she feels happy around him and insert Sera going “HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG OH SHIET” ドキドキ” XD

Sera requests that Aspacia take a walk to let him work his hardon off lol and she does.  She then stumbles upon tranny Fieche doing some shady dealings, Sera shows up, sees it too and realises that it’s some super illegal shiet but then they get caught by Fieche who’s all “OH SHIET SERA!!” and has a private convo with Sera.

Aspacia waits for Sera who’s touched that she’s waiting, leading to another surge of teenage hormones and he starts dry humping her lololol kay no, he hugs her and apologises for shittifying the party for her.  He won’t tell her wot he discussed with Fieche yet, not until he figures out wot to do, mans up and figures out his feelings.

…Which only takes him like half a day lol.  So turns out all dat shady shiet tranny Fieche was doing was all for Sera – “I wanna make u the king bic boiiiiiii ;D” so Fieche has been bribing the parliament or woteva they have ere to allow Sera to become the king.  Cuz u kno, apparently Sera ain’t onli a prince in appearance – he actually IS A PRINCE.  By the name of Ortana Aslan.  Fieche has always wanted to be king but since he ain’t of royal blood, he can’t but then he becomes friends with Sera and realises that Sera can fulfill his dream FOR him.  Sera’s just like “NO HOMO YO” and rejects the offer which pisses Fieche off cuz the tranny’s been working his ass off to get ere.

Then comes the question of Sera actually being a prince.  He’s the first in line to becoming the king but when he was a kid, he went overseas to study in other kingdoms and back then, his dad got assasinated/ went MIA and dem other politician dudes saw this as a chance to ascend to power themselves and kept kiddy Sera outta Desert Kingdom. Finally, 2 years ago he came back all grown up, ready to take his rightful place as king.  However, no one recognised him and all dem soldiers just beat the shit outta him till he met Fieche who believed him but told him that “NOW IS NOT DER TIME” and that Sera should wait a tad.

Aspacia now focuses on making Sera king and to do dat, she needs to be over 9000 on her magic powah so she spends the next few days granting wishes for everyone she sees.  One guy wants a gf so she agrees to be his gf for a day but he gets all horny on her and needs Sera to step in with a 「彼女は僕の恋人から、FUCK OFF BEETCH :@:@:@:@」.  Aspacia’s like “the fut the koibito part for” and Sera replies “CUZ DAT WOT I WANT GOT A PROBLEM WIT DAT HUH?!?” and gets all pissy asking why she was whoring around with other guys.  Aspacia spills the shit on wot she really is and wot she’s doing and though touched, Sera sez he can’t accept her help cuz wot she’s doing is just the same as Fieche, just through magic and not money.  He’s gonna be a man and become a king his own way which = going up to the senator prez Sharon and telling him to bugger off and give him back his king throne.  Anyway, before he does, Sera  confesses to Aspacia.

Okay but before he can be all man or woteva, they’re invited to palace where WTFFFFFFF ANTICLIMATIC BS cuz it turns out, senator Sharon KNEW he was a prince from 2 years back but kept him away from the palace cuz the dudes who assassinated Sera’s pops still weren’t arrested and it was dangerous for him but now’s a good time so there, Sera’s magically made king now. WOOOOW WTF ==** That night, Sera starts talking about how his coronation is tomoz and “…A king needs his queen…OMFG I’M SO LUCKY MY QUEEN IS RITE IN FRONT OF ME!!!” and lololol Aspacia turns around to see if anyone’s behind her xDxD  So Sera proposes to her.

Next day, Sera’s about to give his king speech but OH SHIET NOEZ the man bhind Sera’s dad’s assassination (General Pucchi) is back and he’s OUT FOR BLOOD OMG.  Fieche lets him into the palace and Puchhi guns Sera down, but it’s okay cuz Aspacia uses the power of love and MACHINE GUN magic and he’s magically revived and manages to win over his kingdom and safely become king.

Some time later, all’s good in the kingdom, Pucchi’s been arrested and Fieche’s been made Sera’s personal secretary via Sera’s orders.  Sera goes out to make some more king speeches and in front of everyone, goes “OH YEAH I GONNA MAKE DIS WOMAN MA WAIFU” and Aspacia’s like “WTF HU SED I BE UR WAIFU” but she loves him too so she chooses to become human, ditch her Majin world and stay with Sera ;D

Sharon

The senator summin politician summin ruler summin of the kingdom.  He seems like a majestic, kindly person but is actually pretty shrewd and snarky too under all that nice guy politician act and has major daddy issues or summin, won’t trust anyone, doesn’t need anyone and can tell straight away when someone’s lying to him.

Aspacia gets curious about Sharon and follows him to his palace.  Sharon obviously doesn’t wanna deal with some bratty kid like our heroine and wud’ve told her to GTFO but he can sense at once that she ain’t just a commoner hoe and is a princess so humours her.  However, Aspacia’s MACHINE GUN reacts to Sharon and she finds herself getting massive migraines and runs away all otome embarrassed when Sharon has to catch her.

Next day he goes back to him again and he’s all 「またかよ?!?!」 internally but after talking to her a tad, he finds that Aspacia is pretty interesting a fellow and after hearing she has nowhere to live, gives her a room in dem royal chambers.

After dat, Aspacia keeps going over to irritate the shiet outta Sharon but he finds himself warming up to her anyway. Aspacia gets Sharon to take her on a tour of the kingdom which the guy grudginly agrees to and they go to tranny Fieche‘s shop for clothes.  Lmao when he picks out Aspacia’s dress for her and everyone around was like 「古典的な男のロマンって感じだよな。。。」xD  Like Sera, Sharon buys the dress for Aspacia and similarly as before, there’s a ball partay thing ere but Sharon doesn’t plan on taking Aspacia there with him.  No matter cuz Sera’s pal, Regetta, suggests that they hijack the place and gatecrash the party anyway lol.

So that they do.  During the party, Aspacia wears the dress Sharon bought her and waltzes into the place with Regetta.  There, she finds Sharon telling General Pucchi that he’s gonna be taking down the military cuz they don’t have a need for soldiers or summin like dat.  Pucchi rages cuz he’s a general aite so without his lil troops then he’s nutin but Sharon starts trashtalking him, tells him to STFU so Pucchi goes curse seal Sasuke on Sharon’s ass and stabs the guy.

Next day, Aspacia breaks into Sharon’s room to see him to see if he’s okay.  To her dismay, all he cares is “WHY THE FUT U AT PARTAY WITH SMELLY REGETTA IN DRESS I GAVE U :@:@:@:@” and she’s all soz that she gatecrashed, not getting dat Sharon was JEALOUS ;D  Anway, Sharon then explains he deliberately provoked Pucchi to discredit him cuz Sharon knows Pucchi’s a stupid nipplehead and has been doing bad boy corrupt shiet but the guy’s been bribin ppl to stay outta jail so Sharon’s never had a good chance to arrest the guy till nao.  Aspacia goes berserk that Sharon put his life on the line for all dis and all Sharon sez is dat he’s willing to do anything for his country – “Oh and seeing you wear the dress I gave you made me very happy =)” lol.

Sharon tells her that his dream is to get the real king back to this land.  Aspacia sees dat the beetch is lying but Sharon’s all “SO WUT NONE OF UR BIZ” which gets Aspacia into “BAKA SHARON!!!” mode  and she rages some more till she finally figures that she’s so pissed cuz she’s in love with Sharon and he lied to her.  She sleeps on the streets again and spends the night bitching to herself about Sharon till he shows up and sez he’s been searching for her stupid ass cuz he was crazy worried.  Still Aspacia tells him to bugger off cuz she’s sleeping on dem streets tonite so Sharon sits down next to her and sez he ain’t budging till she does – which isn’t long cuz Sharon then gets a fever cuz of his wounds and Aspacia has to drag his sorry ass back to the palace.

Anyway, Aspacia sez she hasn’t got much magic in her still, but it’s alrite cuz she’s been told she’s very human like anyway so she might as well stay human and stay ere.  And it’s all good cuz Sharon’s not very human like despite being human cuz he’s not very expressive and doesn’t act on emotions “So hey, we balance each other out anyway so let’s stay together from now on =D”.  Like Sera, Sharon gets a massive attack of HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG, glomps Aspacia and tells her to always be with him.  She’s all thinking dat it’d be a prob though cuz if she stays forever, she wudn’t really be a guest so she’d get kicked outta the palace so Sharon tells her that she can come live with him in his GIANT EMPTY MANSION JUST THE TWO OF EM and she’s all sniggering going “TEEHEE UR THINKING SUMMIN DIRTAY ARENTCHA BOY >;D”.

Too bad happy time is cut short cuz the next day, tranny Fieche fucks things up again by kidnapping Sera (= Prince Ortana) and Sharon and Aspacia are getting targetted by assassins.  The two go into a secret underground hideout and turns out Pucchi’s joined hands with Fieche and now have posted some crap about Sharon fleein cuz he tried to assassinate the newly found Prince Ortana.  Sharon finds this all very funny lmao and after snogging and telling Aspacia that he loves her, he struts right back into the palace to face tranny Fieche and Pucchi.

Buuuuuuuut….just like in Sera’s route, everything’s rather anticlimatic cuz guess wot, all the civilians are there having a riot cuz they don’t believe this bs about Sharon being a bad guy and all the people are up in the palace raping the living daylights outta Pucchi and tranny Fieche lol.  Wasn’t Sharon hated by all the citizens or summin?

Well anyway, all ends well, tranny Fieche and Pucchi are excuted or summin, Sera is made king and Sharon resumes his work as senator summin woteva.  Half a year passes and Sharon finally decides to take a break to carry Aspacia off somewhere to “MAKE HER MAI WIFE” and lol just like in Sera’s route, Aspacia’s like “BUT U NEVER PROPOSED TO ME!!” so Sharon proposes again and Aspacia’s like “KAY FINE, しょうがないな! ;D” and the end.  Oh and turns out Sharon’s wish was to be free or summin but that doesn’t matter anymore lol.

Vii

He’s some assassin ANBU dude who works for the Kyoudan Moschino. Fit for his job, he’s all stoic and expressionless all the time, talks little  but is actually a good guy and though he kills, he wants to help ppl, refuses to kill and does his job through kidnapping his targets and telling em to GTFOutta the Kingdom and never come back.   And he says some pretty damn funny things with random engrish chucked in xD

The second time Aspacia’s talking to Sharon, Vii shows up behind her all stalker assassin like and freaks the fuck outta her. She tells him to stop acting like some crazyass silent murderer to which he merely responds that she’s a “perceptive individual” lol and noticing that she got headaches when she met him (cuz of the MACHINE GUN responding to him having strong desires), he carries her bridal style to rush her off to a doctor – surprisingly nice guy eh? xD  Anyway, he drops her off Moschino headquarters where he tells some medic dude called Ishmal to heal her but before he can, Aspacia just thanks him and runs off cuz “I SAID I’M FUCKING OKAY ALREADY”

Anyway, great senator Sharon gives Aspacia a room and Vii shows up in the morning and asks whether she’s really a god or not.  After Aspacia answers yes, something takes over Vii and has some funkyass epileptic fit while Unpara suddenly sees Vii’s wish on his magical roulette boards: 「戻りたい」.  However, when Vii returns from lalaland, the wish fades from the board.  From then on, Aspacia goes to visit Vii which confuses the shiet outta the guy and makes him go dere and ask 「WHY 俺??」

So one day, Vii kidnaps Aspacia from her room and brings her to his special uh “MEMORIAL PLACE” somewhere high up.  Vii starts rambling on about how he doesn’t kno why, just that he got a sudden urge to take her away and he’d very much appreciate it now if she’d kindly explain to him why he took her lololol.  Aspacia completely ignores that and brings up the topic of Vii having heterochromia.  He sez that mr medic scientist Ishmal saved him some years ago, an event that left him with his funky left eye and him needing bandages all over him cuz if he didn’t, he’d fall apart or summin o.O;; Well he don’t rmb wot happened back then but he does know one thing for sure and that something inside him wants a god.  Aspacia sez she’ll help Vii find out woteva he needs to cuz she’s a god he’s been looking for and touched, Vii gives her a “MYSTERY WHISTLE” to call him ANYTIME, ANYWHERE ;D However, Vii gets another freak attack and the thing within him starts flippin out cuz he gave Aspacia the whistle and demands that he destroy it now and kill Aspacia.

After dat, whenever Aspacia is in close vicinity, Vii starts goin high and the thing inside him goes nuts but the guy puts up a front and suppresses the thing.  The two get attacked by tranny Fieche while on a ‘date’ and get dressed up by the guy again where Vii gets all fumbly dere and tells Aspacia that she looks very cute in wot she’s wearing >;D  She then pulls out her shittily made bentou and chokes the hell outta Vii who continues to eat it cuz “YOU MADE IT.” Ah Vii >w<

Aspacia leaves and Vii realises his feelings for her but the thing inside goes nuts again, tells Vii to hand over his body to it and screams that 「俺はお前の神だ!!」before Vii blacks out.  He wakes up again but through the thing’s eyes and hears Fieche ordering him to kill Sera cuz the guy rejected his methods of becoming king.  The thing’s like “STFU BEETCH” and starts attacking Fieche instead.

Back to Aspacia.  Sharon talks to her and tells her abt how Vii and him have joined hands in order to destroy the Kyoudan Moschino.  Sharon tells her to blow the whistle to see if Vii’s alrite or summin which she does but wen she goes to open the door to let Vii in, they find an unconscious Sera on the ground and Vii with his hands all bloody.  Sharon immediately does  a heel face turn ere and starts screaming for the guards cuz assassin Vii has killed Sera and orders ppl to go after Vii who promptly flees.

Before Aspacia can rage at Sharon for plannin all this, he continues his lil talk from before and sez that some time ago, a man “created a god”, using a crow as a base + human dna – a chimera.  This chimera was super smart, super strong blablabla but cud be controlled using a whistle and the man  told Sharon that he could become the new king by turning the chimera into the new god of this kingdom some crap like dat.  Anyway, Moschino saw this as a threat to their ‘religion’ and sent someone to assassinate the man  – Vii.  However, when Vii got there, the chimera had already killed its own creator but the man had made it so that the chimera wud be unable to live without a host in the outside world, but hey lookie,Vii’s ere so the crow got inside Vii and jacked the whistle from Sharon.  So yeah Sharon’s a threat to the kingdom in the case that the crow takes over and he goes AWOL so Sharon stabbed Sera and called Vii over to make it seem like Vii did it in order to have an excuse to excecute the guy/

Aspacia rushes off to see Vi who’s having some heroic BSOD cuz he thinks he’s killed Fieche AND Sera but neither are dead, both just wounded.  He’s all “I’M NOT HUMAN ANYMORE”, tells Aspacia to GTFO but she hugs him and tell him 「私は人間にしか見えないわ」 and that she’ll stay by his side so CALM. THE. FUCK. DOWN. The soldiers come to arrest him at which point the crow takes over and starts mass raping em till Aspacia takes a hit and Vii reverst back to himself but before he can flip some more, Aspacia tells him to run and take her with him.

While running away,  Vii tells Aspacia that he’s a lil shit for hurting her and for that he has no right to be with her but at the same time, 「お前とは離れたくない」 and he begins to cry while Aspacia tells him not to cuz she’s gonna be with him forever and ever :D So the two run outside to the desert and kip there for a night.

Good End

Aspacia hears the crow cry for release and again go 「戻りたい」-  it wants to return to the skies before he got FMA chimera-ed into some shiet so Aspacia uses Unpala’s magic roulette to send the crow back.  V starts spazzing out during the process but nothing a kiss from out heroine can’t fix and V wakes up okay and the crow has flown back.  Vii’s then cleared of his crime cuz all the ppl he saved b4 came back to demand his name be cleared and Moschino has also disbanded cuz one of their own (Vii) “tried to assassinate Prince Ortana” so they two live together from then on, Aspacia a Majin and Vii completely human.

Best End

Instead of releasing the crow, Unpara’s magical roulette’s reveal Vii’s wish which is “to be by God’s side” but another one surfaces when Vii awakes and goes asscrazy and the second wish is “To be by Aspacia’s side”. Aspacia wants to grant both and hearing this, Unpara spins his funky magical roulette, draining all of Aspacia’s powers to grant both wishes and she blacks out.

Before Aspacia opens her eyes, Unpara bids her farewell but it’s okay cuz now she has someone else by her side.  When Aspacia opens her eyes, there she is with Vii who’s now like Unpara – a pixie xD  In making him a pixie magic slave thing, Vii can stay by Aspacia’s side who has become a god through granting Vii’s wish and in becoming a god, she also grants the crow’s wish of wanting to be next to a god so TADA problems all solved! They both profess their love to each other and live happily ever after :D

Rejetta

The adventurer.  He travels from place to place with his Tiger Uusu looking for the egg of a god.  Apparently his tiger’s some rental thing so he whores him out to other ppl or summin okay i have no fucking clue all i saw was “RENTAL TIGER” so yeah.  Personalitywise, he’s bright and kinda like wot u’d expect of ur average teen, is surprisingly chivalric  and has a brocon thing for his ANIKI SERA lol.

Aspacia sees him racin round the street on his white tiger and immediately goes all googly eyed other the creature so she dashes up to Rejetta and asks to feel the tiger up.  Rejetta’s flattered cuz everyone else in the kingdom shat bricks upon seeing his kitty so he lets her but halfway through, Uusu chews on Aspacia’s hand and Rejetta goes apeshit when he sees all dat blood comin from Aspacia who in turn, is totally chill cuz DAT PUSSY SHIET FOR GODS ;D

Anyway, Aspacia goes with him to the research facilities in the kingdom to look up on Majin eggs.  Rejetta wants one cuz he hears it can grant any wish he wants and since Aspacia’s MACHINE GUN reacts to him too, she decides to help him and become his research partner buddy.

So Regetta gets a lead that the egg may be someplace underneatht eh kingdom so he and Aspaica go around looking for an entrance underneath.  However, is apparently requires a route through the palace and since Rejetta’s wish is to revive the royal line, that’s not gonna sit well with the corrupt dudes who’re in power and he doesn’t want them to get the egg so they can’t straight up ask em and he says he wants to go alone.  Aspacia gets irked cuz he sed they were buds yet he’s excluding her to which he responds he can’t get girls into danger and says that his teacher told him  「惚れた女は大事にしろ」 NISHISHI before he’s like “AWSHIET NAW FORGET DAT FORGET WOT I SAID >///<“ and starts some tsundere rambling on about 「べ、別にそこにいるだけで可愛いとか一緒にいてくれんのが嬉しいとか応援されて幸せとか!女のこっていい匂いだなとかていうか普通の女っぽくないけどそこが良いとか思ってねえよ!!」.  lol and while Regetta’s getting all excited, Aspacia’s just tells him to stfu and bring her along cuz real men protect the woman they in love with therefore “You’ll protect me won’t you? ;)”

Regetta relents and the two head underground, only to find that they’ve suddenly gone all old style RPG dungeon crawler lmao and they spend the next couple of hours or so making choices to go straight, rite etc and fighting/ running away from random pixie robot guards lol.  In the end they almost get their asses handed to em but a FREAKING PIGLET shows up to save the day and the piglet turns out to be SERA’S FUCKING DAD XDXD  Yeah so the guy hid ere to avoid getting assassinated cuz apparently the assassin who was sent to kill him some years back told him to either get killed or to simply vanish so the king fled to the underground and has been livin ere since or summin like dat.

So blablabla, the king’s a pussy, ran down ere to save himself while his kingdom was in turmoil and all he could do was make a wish upon the Majin Egg to hope that peace will come to the kingdom.  He believes the price was that he had to take on the form of a piglet but that’s alrite cuz he the egg gave the kingdom peace in return, no matter how fake and corrupt things really are – apparently it’s not all powerful.

Okay so yeah wtf LAME.  There was some Asuran god crap in between but srsly, who gives a fuck at this point cuz I know Regetta and Aspacia don’t anymore and they’re like “KAY FUCK THE EGG WE BE GOIN HOME” so they return to the surface to find another way to get Sera to be king.  And guess wot, HOLY SHIET the minute they get up, they find out that Sera is already announced to be the new king and that his coronation is next week.  Oh COME ON ==

Then we get to some homo bromance scene between Sera and Regetta, with the former doing all that mushy talk about thanking Regetta for trying so hard to make him king.  Regetta goes all tsundere and rejects his offer to live with him in the palace cuz he’s gotta go on some 「ラブラブ旅行」 round the world with Aspacia ;D  So he confesses once more to our heroine who just bluntly replies 「知ってるけど==」but when he asks for her reply, she kisses him and there we go ;D


Ishmal

The medic dude Vii brings Aspacia to in the beginning.  Ishmal’s not really a doctor, just some scientist who works for Moschino but gets all dem doctor duties pushed onto him.  He’s the sarcastic woteva character, just doesn’t give a fuck about u and focuses all his time on his work but course, is pretty adorable underneath all dat.  He’s also got photographic memory AND YES HE CAN COOK LIKE A GOD =D=D

Rmb how Vii takes Aspacia to Moschino headquarters early in his route?  Well Aspacia then runs away rite off and decides to kip in Moschino’s cathedral for the night.  She wakes up to an Ishmal perving on her lol but really, he’s just waking her up to get her to GTFO cuz he’s gotta get the cathedral ready for mass.  He don’t believe that Aspacia’s from EVUU and tells her to GTFO.

Since day one, Aspacia’s had dreams of someone’s voice and a couple days after meeting Ishmal, she decides that it must be him so rushes over to see him.  However, our mad scientist is none too pleased when Aspacia goes off her rocker and starts rambling about shiet like “I SAW U IN MAI DREAMS I WANTED TO SEE U SO BAAAAAAD T.T” and again, tells her to GTFO.

Lol so Aspacia realises that the voice isn’t Ishmal but just some mystery dude x who guides her and tells her to go for Ishmal.  Good cuz Ishmal is actually interested in her too; though not religious, he finds Aspacia to be a giant weirdo and wants to prove that God doesn’t exist so is fascinated by her.  Aspacia’s good wit dat, is like “Kay fine i be kipping here nao” and sleeps on Ishmal’s bed, who’s just like “Ah woteva” and slides under the covers with her and lol, Aspacia wakes up the next day using Ishmal as a dakimakura xD

Aspacia now hangs around Ishmal 24/7, sleeping on the same bed all night and him cooking her meals whenever she’s around.  They get close to the point where he starts acting like a 「典型的なツンデレ」on her ass and has that “NO I DIN’T DO IT FOR U ESPECIALLY JUST CUZ I HAD TIME” crap. He even goes out to buy another pillow for her which gets Unpara all raginz like “FUCKING PERVE WHY A PILLOW AND WHY NOT ANOTHER BED FOR ASPACIA?!?! :@:@:@:@”

One day, Ishmal’s gotta go out at night so tells Aspacia she’s gotta sleep alone.  She gets all lonely and gets Unpara to sleep next to her but it don’t work and she realises that IT’S GOTTA BE ISHMAL ;D Ishmal comes back and straight up asks wth Aspacia’s doing ere and after Aspacia explains, he think she’s totally nuts and still don’t believe all the god crap so she grabs a knife, stabs her own heart, resulting in Ishmal going berserk but hey lookie ere, she’s completely alright.  But then the minute Ishmal realises she’s the real deal, his wish surfaces on Unpara’s roulette – “Aspacia’s death” and Ishmal tells her to GTFO.

Aspacia wanders the streets the next few days trying to grant wishes but for some reason, she keeps failing.  In the end, she becomes unable to see Unpara and becomes completely human.  She hears that Ishmal’s been going nuts since she left and ere she realises she likes him and goes back to see him.  Before she can though, Aspacia collapses cuz she hasn’t been eatin or drinkin the past couple of days and her now human body can’t take dat shiet.

When she wakes up, Ishmal’s with her and she tells him that if he leaves her as she is now, she can possible die thus granting his wish.  Ishmal’s liek “THE FUT” and sez that he don’t wanna lose her it’s just that he rejects the existence of god but Aspacia completely refutes that and he don’t want it.  His country got swept up in a massive tsunami + volcano crap ages ago and while ppl were dying left and rite, ppl were praying but that fell on deaf ears and there was still mass death which is why he believes God = BS.

He then flips out a lil more about how he and his family were among those who prayed desperately but still got nutin and his family was wiped out.  From this, he concludes that God dint save em cuz god don’t exist, he don’t want God to exist but now that Aspacia’s dying in front of him, he wants to take back his wish and instead, hugs her and wishes for her to never die and to stay with him.

Hearing his wish, Aspacia grants it and becomes an elite Majin and lives.  Insert some more pointless random crap about Prince Ortana coming back, Moschino disbanding crap and we get to the conclusion.  Aspacia sez that now she’s the mega digivolved god so she can grant anything for Ishmal and sez that she can bring back his land and family who died but when Ishmal hears that this’ll wipe his memories of her, he’s all “IYA DAAAAAA”, sez he onli wants her, tells Aspacia ILY and makeout fest ;D  In the end, everything ends well and the two leave the Kingdom to go on a RABU RABU journey like in Rejetta’s path, Aspacia choosin to be human.

Unpara

cuz he’s way too awesome to not have his own lil path ;D  So again, he’s the little spirit pixie slave thing that Aspacia’s dad made for her as a guardian.  No one else can see him cept for Majin and lmao the dude’s just hilarious, does nonstop ツッコミ 24/7 365 and is constantly exasperated by Aspacia’s lack of general knowledge and outlandish behaviour.  Beneath all that though, he’s actually extremely devoted to Aspacia and her only, will do everything for her and yes IS IN LOVE WITH HER.

….which means that he’s gotta sit and watch Aspacia hook up with a different guy in every route while he’s gotta go back to EVUU.  Every single fucking route.  And he rmbs it all.

So in his route, Aspacia’s become a super Majin but don’t end up with everyone and doesn’t wanna return to EVUU just yet.  She wants to stay a lil longer and grant more wishes for ppl and Unpara’s all sulky in the corner and goes “I HAVE FEELINGS TOO” and reveals that he wants to be human =D  Aspacia turns him human for 5 days to see how he lieks it.

For the next few days, Unpara races round the Kingdom with Aspacia, doing all the shiet he saw our heroine doing with the other capturable dudes: Looking at dem stars like with Sharon, going to Vii’s “MEMORIAL PLACE”, sleeping on the same bed like with Ishmal etc and Unpara figures thatbeing human is actually pretty cool and has shitloads of fun alone time with Aspacia.

Course, all good things must come to an end and it turns out that Unpara’s time is about to come to an end.  He hugs Aspacia and tells her that he wants to always be with her, that he belongs onto to her and is faithful to only her, prompting Aspacia to ask just wtf he’s hiding from her but she gets no answer.

Next day is Unpara’s last day and he makes the most of it and shiet.  When the day draws to an end, he reveals to Aspacia that he was created with a time limit and his time runs out when she becomes a Majin/finds her happy ending with one of the dudes.  The former of which is now fulfilled so he begins to disappear and while Aspacia is crying and screaming at the guy to not leave, Unpara thanks her for granting his wish of becoming human and tells her 「愛しておりますよ、姫様」 before vanishing.

Aspacia returns to EVUU and goes back to being the princess.  For the next few years, she trains her ass off with her dad to become the maxed out STAGE 5 EVOLUTION POKEMON MAJIN and finally has enough power to recreate Unpara and bring him back.  He returns, some more love confessions blar and they end up together THE END =D

Afterthoughts and Conclusion

DAMN dat was way better than I thought it’d be xD

You know wot, I loved all the characters;; I CAN’T CHOOSE A FAVOURITE.  The only chara that paled in comparison to all the others was Rejetta and even thus I still liked him a hell lot.  Shieeeeet lol.  And dude I’m voting Aspacia to be one of the best heroines I’ve ever played in an otome game.  Goddamnit she was actually a PERSON and not some virtual eroge stand in or woteva for the player and I loved how she was a total spoilt rich bitch brat in a non irritating way, how she had no knowledge of wot is considered to be “weird” and wots “normal”, had no qualms about sleeping on the streets and I loved how she was all 「裏表がない」and completely straightforward. How can I not like such an adorable loli?

The music was okay.  For dem voices, awesome Terashima Takuma does a gr8 job bringing out Unpara’s retardedness + faith for Aspacia so I’m all for him.  I’m actually real disappointed that Aspacia wasn’t given a voice cuz she’s very dynamic a character so a lot of the funny shit she says would have been even better if voiced ><

WHY HE NOT LET HAIR DOWN ALWAYS??

Art is really nice, liked the colouring and I liked the character designs especially adorable Aspacia and TRANNY FIECHE xD  My gripe is Rejetta cuz srsly wtf is with that derpy ponytail of his??  Why can’t he look like dat to the left ere??

Now for a major gripe of mine for the game: WTF is up with the shitty climaxes?? Like omfg why does Sera always magically get the throne back without doing shit??  I DON’T FUCKING CARE that Sharon has been preparing this for ages or woteva goddamn it it’s just so BORING and ANTIFUCKINGCLIMATIC when Sera pulls some great manly speech about rightfully claiming the throne back himself or shiet and then suddenly it’s like “OMFG HERE’S UR CROWN NOW UR KING!!” ==  jeebus.  And just wtf for Sera’s pops running away and becoming a piglet. srsly?  wot the shiet was dat.  Kay mb it’s just all me but still lol.  For dem routes, Vii prolly had the best one and Rejetta the crappiest one.

Kay wrapping things up cuz at over 6500 words, this is getting way too long lol.  All in all, I really liked this game.  It has a great heroine, a very likable cast of characters, good art, a decent story and paths BUT the climaxes were nonsxistent and the way problems are solved are kinda infuriating in the trolling way.  Or mb das just me.  But anyway, it doesn’t detract from the game all dat much and really, this is a good game, way better than a certain Renai Banchou I recently finished =P

9 Responses to “Otome Game Review – Desert Kingdom”

  1. XDD well done.
    btw, i didnt read it, cuz imma just way too lazy and the post is just way too effing long. but from wht i see, LOLI XDD the heroine seems to have her own defined chara than some faceless piece of shit tht onli says ‘OH HOLD ME RODOL–‘…uh X’D
    and all charas look prettttttty awesome LOL X’DD
    yah. im not high on weed.
    X’DD
    k imma off XDD
    hakuouki banner XDD <3

  2. “really liked” <- *_* That's good to hear. My desire to play it has double folded!

  3. CocoBanana Says:

    LOVED IT XDDD

  4. kaon Says:

    very good¡¡¡

  5. Coke Says:

    OMFG. all bishies are H-A-W-T! You’ve convinced me to play this HNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG game a go xx
    SO
    much
    E-
    Y-
    E-
    CANDY!!!!!!!!!! >XDD

  6. Marsha Says:

    You seriously suck at making summaries. Just tell about the characters’ routes, your comments ruin it.

  7. Taylor Says:

    I’ve never played this game, but just by the art and storyline…I friggin love Unpara! XD

  8. nana Says:

    wowww
    I have question. I want to enter to in Ishmal route. I will should???

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