Otome Game Review: Dicks and Alice


Alternative Titles: トリック . オア . アリス, Trick or Alice

Company: little cheese

Release Date: 04.08.12

Official Site: http://little-cheese.jp/alice/

Platform: PC

Genre: Alice in Wonderland Rape, hiyo

Plot Summary: YES IT’S WHAT ALL YOU PERVERTS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!! LETS ALL WATCH ALICE GET RAPED!!

Before I begin, let me just say this:  I have no fucking idea wtf is going in this game.  I am so fucking confused.  I tripped out too many times during this game cuz of all the fucking colours and shiny shit and at one point, I actually got so fucking scared of Alice’s sparkly eyes that I ripped out the charger from my laptop and huddled up on my chair for 10 minutes.

7 joints.  Wtf was I thinking.  Well but point is, I don’t know what happened in this game and now as I write, I will try to piece things together and when I fail, I will make shit up.  Please don’t take me srsly.

Arisa’s about to have her bday the next day but she’s so fucking stupid that she can’t even rmb how old she is.  She heads home with her older bro, SHIZUKU, and has a creepy internal monologue about how she wants her oniichan all to herself.

what the…?  I don’t ever think about my older bro this way…not even when I’m high…

My bad though cuz that night, the two have a cake together where they both start going on about how they feel so dokidoki when it’s just the two of them – OH RIGHT, THESE SIBLINGS OBVIOUSLY WANT TO BONE EACH OTHER.  Shizuku asks whether she’s happy or not right now in this world and then he mutters about how “the time has come” before he grows these two flappy bunny ears and everything goes black.

When Arisa wakes up, she’s in an Alice in Wonderland dress with the table and magic potion and too small door etc.  She drinks the potion, becomes titchy and then she meets…

Cheshire/ NYAO sempai

Yeah wtf NYAO?  What kinda fucking name is that?  But anyway, as most Cheshire Cat characters are, Cheshire is the playful, irresponsible playboy who would like nothing more than to fuck girls and muck around his whole life.  On top of all those attractive qualities, Cheshire is also a lecherous exhibitionist and likes to spend his time swinging his gigantic cock around like a helicopter in front of Arisa.  Mmm mmmm I like him already ;)  He’s also the Alice in Wonderland version of this NYAO sempai guy Arisa knows irl.  Cheshire has a kitty puppet on one of his hands that he refers to as his “real self” or some shit – CLEARLY, THIS GUY HAS ISSUES.

Cheshire picks up a titchy Alice and immediately starts hitting on her and tells her that if she “eats him”, he’ll make her big again.  Alice gives him a peck and sure enough, she’s normal sized again and this is when she notices that Cheshire’s dingaling is hanging out so she slaps the living shit out of the pervert.  Bunny Shizuku comes in to stop this silly shit and he leads Arisa to her room.  He tells her that he isn’t Shizuku and that he’s called KUROUSAGI.

Alice continues to meet Alice in Wonderland versions of ppl she knows irl and just to make things more confusing, she keeps suddenly warping back and forth from the the real world to Wonderland again and again.  Soon, she finds out that KUROUSAGI made this Wonderland FOR Alice or sth where whatever she wants will be.  The original story had Alice discovering Wonderland and its inhabitants and all that happy shit – people all over the world have been reading Alice in Wonderland.  However, one day Kurousagi took Alice and booked it from Wonderland and cuz Wonderland has lost its “protagonist” (Alice), time has stopped and the same day has been looping over and over.  The Wonderland ppl know that they’re stuck in a loop but nothing they do can get em out of it.  Wonderland has long since been hunting for a new protagonist and CHRONO (The Mad Hatter) is becoming the new protagonist.

Now that Alice is back, Chrono’s going apeshit cuz HE wants to be the protagonist; he’s sentenced to death for stealing a hat or sth but hasn’t been executed cuz of the time loop.  Now that Alice is back, Wonderland has its protagonist again so time is moving again ie Chrono will be excuted sooner or later.  If Chrono becomes the protagonist, he can pretty much control Wonderland and save himself so he keeps trying to kill Alice.

Anyway, Cheshire spends his time teasing Alice, flirting with her and walking around naked just cuz he can.  Alice is exasperated by his antics but cuz Cheshire is a nice guy, she finds herself falling in love with him.

…kay actually I don’t rmb what happened in his route rofl it was all so trippy…but once, when Alice gets homesick, Cheshire cheers her up with his puppet kitty and makes a white rose appear for her.

But in the end, Alice finds out that Cheshire has an owner – some uh…baroness?  fuck I can’t rmb lolol but basically, his owner (CRAZY CAT LADY) chains him up every day in a room and does stuff to him.  This was apparently some contract or sth Cheshire agreed to cuz he was uh…so bored with life LMAO WTF IS GOING ON.  But yeah Alice doesn’t give a fuck and jealous, she kisses Cheshire and tells him to be hers.  Cheshire here, tells Alice that he’s afraid to reciprocate her feelings cuz it’ll fuck up Wonderland – he’s originally only sposed to be a side chara who messes with her and leads her astray so Alice isn’t sposed to fall in love with him.  Alice belongs to everyone in Wonderland so he can’t have her or anything.

That night, Cheshire drops by to take Alice out for a walk.  There, he finally musters the courage to confess to Alice but trolls the fuck out of her and does it while naked.  He puts on his clothes and does he properly again though, and promises to not be a coward and run from his feelings.

AAAAND we all know what happens next huehuehue.  Sexy time ensues and-

LOLOL THE SEX SOUNDS.  SOUNDS LIKE SLOPPY SHIT HITTING THE GROUND WTF IS THIS SHIT AHHAHAHA HERE CHESHIRE HAVE SOME OF THESE

KUROUSAGI ain’t happy at all that Alice chose fucking CHESHIRE out of everyone else.  If he knew sooner that someone like Cheshire would have been taking Alice, then he would have destroyed Wonderland altogether.  He hugs Alice and goes on about how he only ever wanted Alice to be happy but in truth, he wanted to destroy everything so he’d have Alice to himself.  What is this I want Kurousagi route now this guy is crazy :o

ED1

Anyway, the Alice and Cheshire romp around some more, where Alice comments that though Cheshire’s always saying how he’s out for fun and games and stuff, it seems like the guy’s just super lonely and and clingy.  Flustered, Cheshire tells Alice to stfu or else he’s gna spontaneously grow a vagina rofl.  Cheshire returns home the next day all battered up cuz apparently his owner found out about him leaving his room and flipped tables.  Alice patches him up but when she wakes up, Cheshire’s lying in a pool of blood on the ground, fucking DEAD LOL.  Alice goes apeshit and wishes for a shitty world like this to stop existing.

When she wakes up again, she’s ARISA again and she’s celebrating her bday with SHIZUKU.  Shizuku tells her that he’s destroyed the other world and that whatever Arisa wants, he’ll give her.  So, Arisa wishes to go to the beach tmr, wishes for more friends, and wishes for a cat.  Shizuku says he won’t give her friends cuz all she needs is him but the cat he can do and Arisa decides to name the cat CHESHIRE…suddenly, she’s overcome with grief and starts crying, where Shizuku starts uh eating her face out and the two have sex, with Shizuku saying that this world only needs the two of em.

wtf….?

ED2

All’s good and happy till the QUEEN OF HEARTS and CRAZY CAT LADY start hunting down Alice – lmfao i think im just making shit up here now.  Cheshire flees with Alice cuz in this world, Alice can pretty much warp anywhere as long as she wills it or some shit and the two end up in a bathtub.  Well, this wudn’t be a hiyo game without bathtub sex I guess so more pron here

After that, Cheshire tells Alice that nothing’s gna be solved if they just keep running around so he declares that he’s going to kill the Queen of Hearts.  Chrono goes nuts, gets captured and feeling sorry for the guy, Cheshire decides to save Chrono.  He asks Alice to promise to trust him no matter what and to stay here in this world with him – he’s gna do his best to find a way for the two of em to live happily ever after

Alice tries to kill the Queen, kills Cheshire instead so she goes cray and rapes Wonderland LOLWTF

ED3

Blablabla Cheshire tries to kill the Queen but fails cuz she’s like invincible rofl and the Queen orders his beheading.  Cheshire makes everything below his neck vanish so the soldiers can’t really behead him lolol and then KUROUSAGI shows up.  He apologises to Chrono and everyone for putting em through shit and says that he’ll erase himself from this world after he removes “invincibility” from the Queen.  The Queen’s been feeling unhuman or some shit cuz she can’t die so she’s developeD an obsession with killing ppl or sth WTF IS GOING ON HAHAHAH WTF IS THIS SHIT.  Alice begs Kurousagi not to kill himself so Kurousagi stays and goes off to have a tea party with Chrono…talk about anticlimatic

In the end, Alice and Cheshire live happily ever after in Wonderland.  The minute Alice mentions wanting to have kids, Cheshire’s ripped off all his own clothes and is ready to go lolol

ED4

This branches off from ED1.  When Alice wakes up, Cheshire isn’t dead at all and she decides to take Cheshire to the real world where no axecrazy queen will kill him or anything.  When she returns though, Cheshire isn’t there and she goes back to Wonderland.  There, Kurousagi appears and he reveals that HE was the one who stabbed Cheshire and he’s blocking Cheshire from going to the real world.  He then kills Cheshire and destroys both worlds when he realises that Alice will never love him the way she did Cheshire.

omfg wtf is this.

ED5

Shizuku accepts that Alice loves Cheshire so he hands em a copy of Alice in Wonderland or sth and tells em to burn it and run to the other world – cuz if they dont burn the book and destroy Wonderland, he might come after Cheshire again out of jealousy.  Alice and Cheshire do just that and return to the real world as Arisa and Nyao.

Kay since the endings are like 80% retarded, I’m just gna do one for each character now lol SINCE ALL OF YOU JUST WANA  READ ABOUT THE RAPE SHIT RIGHT?

Round (Dormouse)/ Kisaragi Ren

Ren’s the amorous classmate of Arisa’s and he’s always trying to cop a feel of her boobs lol.  Well not really cuz his intentions are pretty pure most of the time, with him being the cheery goofball who’s head over heels in love with Arisa.  As Round, he’s only awake 3hrs a day which kinda makes sense seeing as real life dormice spend like half their lives in hibernation.

Blablabla Arisa —> Wonderland, becomes Alice and goes to sleep.  However Round is there, groping her titties and he’s super happy and all when he realises he’s feeling up none other than his beloved Alice huehue.

Anyway, it’s like totally obv that Arisa kinda likes Ren back – I mean, look at that pervy smile she has on whenever he glomps her!  Arisa finds herself back in the real world where she and Ren are waiting for Shizuku so they can all walk home together.  Here, Ren confesses for like, the 298342893th time that he really likes Arisa and that he’s not fucking around or anything.  To his utmost surprise, Arisa reciprocates his feelings and a super overjoyed Ren crushes Arisa in his arms and declares that they’re going on a date tmr.  Right on time, Shizuku appears and goes into rapist mode and basically chucks Ren out of a window lololol

Next day, the two go on their first date where Ren starts serenading Arisa in front of everyone in a cafe.  Night falls and he has to take Arisa home or Shizuku’s gna rape him some more.  Before they part, he asks Arisa to call him “Ren” from now on and he snogs her.  Ren falls asleep promptly after rofl and an angry dragon Shizuku bursts out and the next thing Arisa knows, she’s Alice again in Wonderland with Round.

…aaaand then she’s back as Arisa with Ren in school.  wtf can we please do without this stupid warping around?  The two get like super horny suddenly where Ren starts playing with Arisa’s boobs on the school roof before he’s like “COMFIER ON BED!!!”.  jesus christ children these days lolol. They have some fail sex cuz Ren humps like a dog and dumps his load in like 2 seconds.  Well, Shizuku comes in to cockblock again where Ren’s like shitting himself but turns out Shizuku approves of their r/s – cept that Ren has to cut off all ties with Tokitou -sensei (Chrono irl).

Next day, they decide to go on a date to an amusement park and Ren asks Tokita which one they should go to.  Tokita tells them that there’s the Queen’s Castle that they can go to but when they get there, the thing isn’t realy an amusement part so they book it.  Suddenly, Arisa becomes Alice again and she’s at the Queen’s Castle.  Soldiers come to capture her but Round comes to save her by falling down some rabbit hole.  There, she realises that Round and Ren are the same person and she keeps warping back and forth, with Ren/Round desperately telling her not to remember Wonderland cuz she’s Arisa, not Alice.

Arisa manages to stay Arisa and forgets about what happened.  Ren bones her again but the two fall asleep together and wake up in ROUND’s room in Wonderland.  Round tries to take her back to the real world but JIKAN (Chrono’s gothic lolita slave) tells Alice not to go cuz Wonderland needs her.  Suddenly, Alice is outside a room where she can hear Chrono and Round talking.  Round asks Chrono whether doing this will make Alice happy and Chrono asks whether he wants to be stuck in this world where he can only be with Alice the 3 measly hours that he’s awake.  Round caves and says that he’ll continue trapping Alice in a Dream World.  In busts Alice all “YOU BITCHES FO REAL” and Alice tells Round that they should find a way to be happy without having to trap everyone in a dream.  Chrono freaks at this point and everyone goes back to the Dream World.

There, Ren tells Alice that Chrono’s actually just a super lonely guy and that the guy loves Wonderland – though Chrono acts like a haughty db all the time, he just wants someone to talk to.  Though Round’s always asleep, Chrono pours his heart out to the sleeping dormouse even though Round can’t reply.  Round always hears Chrono going on about how he’s so alone and that’s why he forces people to join his tea parties.

It turns out that the Wonderland’s going nuts cuz Chrono (its new protagonist) hasn’t been coming home lately or sth

ED1

Alice decides she doesn’t want to live in a Dream World so she returns to Wonder Land, with Round being awake only 3 hrs a day to play with her.

ED5

Continuing off ED1, everyone begs Chrono to become the new protagonist for realz and leave Round and Alice to take care of the other world.  As long as Chrono wishes it, Wonderland won’t be out for his blood anymore and cuz Chrono obv has a gay crush on Round, Chrono agrees to do it for the rat.  In the end, Round and Ren live happily ever after in the real world….or is it Dream land?  fuck man shit’s trippy as fuck

…AAAAAND at this point I really dgaf anymore so next character.

Shadow/ Touya

Uh…wtf is this guy supposed to be?  I don’t remember there being someone called Shadow in Alice in Wonderland so is he sposed to be like Tweedle Dee?  Cuz he has a twin.  Well, whoever this fuck is sposed to be, Shadow is the nice, retarded homeboi who’s fond of Alice unlike his crankyass blowjob of a twin (Light/Asagi) who avoids Arisa like she’s the fucking doom bitch or sth.  I haven’t played his route yet as of writing this but I’m sure we can all expect his route to have what all you lovely fuckers out there are most looking forward to: YANDERE RAEPING TIMEZ <3

U know, just cuz he’s the happy faffy tennen guy.  That and he has a twin so we’re bound to see some of that whole jealousy shit.  Hoorayz.  Bet hiyo had tons of fun writing his route

I dunno about the rest of you masochists who picked up this game but goddamn, is it just me or is Shadow REALLY FUCKING RETARDED?  Fuck he acts like a 6 year old half the time and talks like he’s high big time

…Oh.  Silly me.  This guy is obviously a pothead.

Yeah he’s like totally socially retarded so he doesn’t get what’s wrong with slobbering all over Alice’s face on first meeting or flipping her skirt up to check if she’s “really Alice inside”.  And also he’s a a fucking psycho cuz apparently, executions by the Queen makes him all WAKUWAKU

KAY THAT’S IT.  ALICE RUN THE FUCK AWAY NOW PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE.

But ofc, Alice doesn’t run cuz she’s a retarded hiyo heroine…

…why does nobody ever listen to me…it’s like LoL…I tell them not to follow the enemy Teemo WHO IS SO OBVIOUSLY BAITING BUT GOD NO THEY STILL CHARGE INTO THAT BRUSH.  Instant Ace for the enemy team.  FML

Now I’m just going off on a tangent – I hope it’s obv that this game is boring me

BUUUT anyway, Shadow doesn’t stfu about how he likes Alice and Alice falls in love with the guy in like what, 5 fucking seconds and starts making out with the dude all over the place.  Damn talk about trashy: she even thinks to herself,

「え?私、いつからシャドウのことを好きになった?不思議ですね」

あ、偶然だね、僕も知りたい。。。って HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW YOU DUMB BLONDE SLUT?

Shadow’s twin, LIGHT, walks in on em  where Shadow tells the guy to stop deliberately cockblocking em and that night, Light visits Alice but leaves before he says anything.  Shadow magically appears and with a slasher smile on his face, mutters to himself just what Light is doing.

大切にするよ。。。君が僕を裏切らない限りね

うわ、出た YANDERE RAPE TIMEZ STARTING SOON PEOPLE GATHER AROUND GATHER AROUND!!!

and sure enough, Shadow is SUDDENLY between a naked Alice’s thighs and when I saw suddenly, I srsly mean it – there was no transition like the typical “mmmm let’s make out” to “let’s move this to the bed oh yeah take off my clothes baby and lick me there” – it was more like “i love u babe” —-> “honey how did u get your face in my flower in like 2 seconds?”. roflcopter wtf is going on.

Anyway, after the sex, Alice FINALLY realises that Shadow is like, creepy as fuck and starts making up excuses to not hang with him.  Shadow cottons on so he basically fucks Alice into submission <– omg that sounded really crude.  Ugh I have no class at all.  But then again, I am playing a porn game hueheuheue

KUROUSAGI is super worried that Alice chose cray cray Shadow over Light.  Alice asks Light why he hates her but the guy responds quizically, that SHE’s the one who hates HIM –  why else would she tell Kurousagi to scar his face like such (Light has some tattoo under his left eye)?    Alice is all “I asked no such thing” but Light says she told Kurousagi to do it so she could tell the twins apart.  Well, in comes Shadow who’s super jealous and tells Light to bugger off. Alice asks Shadow whether or not the guy really likes her cuz if he does, he’d be more considerate and shit and would want to know what she’s thinking.  Light hands her a cup of tea (DON’T DRINK IT ALICE PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME) and tells her that he’s afraid to know what she thinks cuz he believes Alice likes Light more than him.

Well, cuz no one ever listens to me (T.T), Alice drinks the tea and black out.  When she wakes up, she’s bound and blindfolded and Shadow (pretending to be Light) starts raping the shit out of her.  Alice isn’t fooled and at the end, tells Shadow to fucking trust her and stop treating her like some cheap whore but Shadow just goes into some sob story about how he can’t trust Alice cuz she’ll prolly just leave him again.  In fact, before, he’s stepped out of his given role and confessed to Alice when he wasn’t sposed to.  Alice thanked him and Shadow was super happy but then soon after, Kurousagi scarred Light’s face and Shadow realised that Alice couldn’t even fucking tell the two twins apart, let alone know which one it was who confessed to her.  Shadow consoled himself though, with the thought that Alice does like him cuz she got Kurousagi to fuck up LIGHT’s face and not Shadow’s own.  With that thought, he confessed to Alice again but again, she only thanked him so he realised that Alice didn’t like anyone.  Right after, Alice ran off together with Kurousagi and god was Shadow pissed.  Shadow then starts raping Alice again just cuz.

Kay I know u guys reaaaallly want the raep CGz but NO.  BAD READERS.  NO PORN PICTURES HERE.

When Alice wakes up, she’s Arisa and she doesn’t remember Wonderland.  In the Real World (or is it the Dream World?  I don’t fucking know anymore), only the twins and her exist but she doesn’t think it weird at all.  She tells Touya that she likes him and suddenly, the guy starts crying about how he knows that doing this is pointless but he doesn’t know what else to do.  Arisa tells Touya not to cry and makes a promise with him to “be happy”

Arisa is suddenly with LIGHT (Asagi form) in a classroom.  Both have rmb Wonderland but have no idea where they fuck they are.  They suddenly notice a GIGANTIC FUCKING PULSING HEART stuck on the ceiling and are like “YO WTF IS THIS SHIT” before Touya enters all chipper, commenting on how he thought a heart would be prettier.  Anyway, he starts crying and apologises for all the shit he’s done to Arisa and tells her to go cuz she’ll be way happier without a fuckstick like him – turns out KUROUSAGI’s trying to “save” Alice from Touya’s Dream World so he’s smashing Touya’s heart to bits.  Course Arisa doesn’t dump Touya and instead, kisses the guy and says she’s staying put with him.

In the end, Arisa traps herself with Touya or some trippy shit and the two live happily ever after.

KAY HAPPY NOW GUYS?  I PLAYED THE RAPE ROUTE ALREADY SO I’M GOING ONTO THE NEXT CHARACTER NOW NO ROOM FOR ARGUMENT ERE YOU GUYS CAN STOP READING NOW LOLOLOL

Light/Asagi

The super kuudere twin little bro of cray cray Touya.  Light is super cold and stoic, always doing that whole frowny thing at Arisa but as revealed in Touya’s route, the guy doesn’t really hate Arisa and I’m betting that he just  wanted to avoid sibling rivalry with his older bro so he kept his feelings under wraps.  As far as characters like him go, they tend to turn out to be super adorable later on so lets hope he’s not emofaggy rapist like his Shadow.

Right off the bat, Alice is curious as to why even Wonderland ver. of Asagi hates her so she goes off to ask him what his prob is.  Like in Touya’s route, the guy says that ALICE is the one who hates him and now that Alice has established that Light doesn’t HATE her, she goes off to pester him every day.

Alice finds Light in the library and wonders why he’s reading a blank book.  Light tells her that he’s searching for a page in Wonderland but hasn’t been able to find it yet.  Alice confesses that she’s afraid of all the shit’s that’s been happening to her so Light tells her he’ll stay with her till she calms down a bit.

The next day, he asks whether she has a copy of Alice in Wonderland but Alice says she doesn’t.  Light comments that Alice is also a lot nicer than he remembered her – she used to be a cocky little brat and all before she left with Kurousagi.  He asks whether Alice is able to tell him and Shadow apart cuz of his scar, to which Alice replies that she can tell em apart cuz they’re totally different either way – Light gives off a “softer aura” whereas Shadow is a total rapist.  Light’s taken aback by this and suddenly kisses her LOL WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM and he tells her he kissed her cuz uh…he FELT like it rofl.  Alice is pissed and tries to sock him but he grabs her wrist and tells her that though everyone else is going “YOU’RE ALICE YOU’RE ALICE YAY IT’S ALICE”, he doesn’t care whether Arisa is Alice or not – all he cares is that Arisa is herself cuz he likes the current her more than the previous Alice anyway.

Light continues to be all hot and cold but Alice just sees him as super adorable so she tells the guy that she wants to spend more time with him.  Light’s obviously really pleased at this, goes all blushy and all but does the whole “IDC DO AS U WANT” shit lol.  Just as the two are gna go hang out, in comes dicksnap Shadow looking for Light so Light decides to hide with Alice behind a bush.  After Shadow goes, Light still doesn’t let go, commenting that Alice smells nice and all.  When Light finally lets go, Alice is the one who grabs onto him and cue in a makeout session righ ere.  Right after though, Light apologises and walks off lmao

That night, Alice hears some commotion outside her room and when she peeks out to see, there stands Shadow and Light.  Shadow pesters Light about secretly stalking off to see Alice and that he knows Light’s been hanging with Alice lately.  Light denies this and replies that he has no interest in Alice at all.  At this, Alice closes her door but Shadow knocks at it again so she opens it, disappointed that it ain’t Light.  Shadow sees that she’s down so he gives her a hug but Alice pushes him away and basically tells him to bugger off heuheu suck a dick Shadow

The next day, Alice hunts down Light, kisses the guy and tells him she likes him WTF SRSLY SHIT PROGRESSES SO FAST IN THIS GAME LOL.  The two are just about to get it on but FUCK in comes rapist Shadow to cockblock and he nearly throws a yandere fit when he realises what the two were doing.  Light saves Alice from Chrono again

and later that night, he comes by to check up on her and Alice invites in him for some…tea ;)  Well here, Light confesses to Alice and the two finally pop each others’ cherry.  rofl I know I’ve been complaining about how fast these kids get together and all but I can’t hate Light when he’s so friggin adorkable like

rofl even Alice is like え? それ、違うだろう?「やめる」でなはいか?God he’s such a bumbling fool.

Anyway, someone’s been raping the Other World and trying to get Light killed or some shit like that.  Kurousagi tells Alice that if she just believes that she’s Alice and loves Wonderland, everything’ll be okay but Alice just doesn’t know whether she is Alice or not.  Light tells her he doesn’t care what world they’re in or who Alice is – as long as he she be liking him and him, her, then that’s all he wants.  Alice starts crying cuz again, Light’s the only one who hasn’t been jizzing his pants over Alice shit and he kisses her tears away or some cheesy shit like that

ED 2

Shadow gets rapey jealous and tries to rape Alice NO FUCK OFF RAPE ALICE IN YOUR OWN ROUTE YOU SICKO.  Light steps in though and throws Shadow out.

In the end, Shadow kills Light to get Alice.  WTF SRSLY GTFO SHADOW.

ED 3

Shadow beats the shit out of Light out of jealousy but Light doesn’t retaliate and tells Shadow that no matter what, Alice is his. Shadow can be more popular than him, a better person than him but he isn’t giving Alice up.  Shadow finally sucks a dick, buggers off and leaves his little bro and Alice alone.

In the end, Shadow’s accepted that Light and Alice are together but still comes around to cockblock just cuz he can.  What a cuntnugget.

ED 4

Next thing Alice knows, she’s Arisa again (OMFG HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT) and Light’s giving her some watch that she lost coming to Wonderland (Shizuku gave it to her before).  She’s super happy ofc but for some reason, she can’t control her body and she’s spewing out some assholey shit about how she mistook Light for Shadow and how she actually wanted Shadow and not Light.  Light’s hurt as fuck and apologises before Arisa warps again

Back in Wonderland, Alice bumps into the two twins and shows off her new bracelet.  Light walks off the mo he sees it and Shadow asks snidely whether she received it from Light or not.  Alice can’t rmb but replies that it SHOULD be from Light…before she’s chucked back into the Other World again where it’s her bday and shit.  Light calls for her to return and it turns out Shadow’s been the jealous buttfuck wrecking shit – he’s been trying to make Alice his and when Alice still doesn’t fall for his rapist shit, Shadow flips and almost snaps Alice’s arm but Kurousagi and Cheshire come to the rescue.  Shadow reveals that he stole the Alice in Wonderland book and has been writing his own version of the story

Shadow traps Alice in a world where its just the two of them.  That crazy mothafucka

ED 5

Shadow disappears into the Other World and refuses to come home.  With Shadow gone, Wonderland is fucking up so Alice has to return to control shit.  Light goes off to find Shadow and promises to come home with his asshole of an older bro.  After some time, Light returns with pube eater Shadow and all is good.

Kurousagi/ Shizuku

AAAND now we get to the main guy of the game.  Kurousagi’s the silent, calm guy, the guy’s who’s always there to control shit and clean the shit that has hit the fan over and over again.  Which is to be expected since his role in Alice in Wonderland is the Controller or Operator of Wonderland and he oversees shit.  Alice is his entire reason for living and as shown in all the other routes, this guy loves Alice to bits and probably has some incest fetish since he made himself Alice’s bro in the Other World rofl.  He used to be super powerful but has lost much of his control over Wonderland since Alice left.

Kurousagi denies that he’s Shizuku and keeps trying to push Alice away.  However, he’s super horny for Alice as we all know and he can’t help being super nice to her and all.

…then shit gets weird and Alice warps over to the Other World.  Arisa and Shizuku are celebrating her bday where Shizuku talks about how all he wanted to do was make Arisa happy but he doesn’t know how – mb he shouldn’t even be around her, mb he’s just bringing shit down on her.  Arisa tells him never to say shit like that again before the two start getting it on like…wtf?  After that, Shizuku suggests that he should just destroy Wonder Land but Arisa protests cuz even though she’s tired of Wonderland, Shizuku made it for her so she still loves Wonderland

Flashback time:  Alice is tired of Wonderland cuz the same shit happens everyday or sth and she doesn’t want to be the protagonist anymore.  She wants to change the flow of shit and destroy Wonderland so one day, she stabbed the Queen of Hearts but that didn’t change shit and she just got hunted down.  Kurousagi (who was SHIROUSAGI or sth back then) shows up to save her and tells her that since she doesn’t want Wonderland anymore, he’ll take her to another world

Back to the present.  Arisa asks why Shizuku made himself her older bro in this world and the guy replies that it’s cuz he thought it’d give him more control over his raging penis rofl.  Anyway, Shizuku explains that his powers are shit now cuz he has to take care of THIS world and Wonderland – he took Arisa back to Wonderland just to stop Chrono from becoming the protagonist.  His ears turned black as a result of his loss of power and oh yeah apparently Shizuku is LOUIS CAROL NOW ROFLCOPTER WTF IS GOING ON I DONT EVEN.  Kay not really but there was some shit about Louis Carol  splitting his soul to make Kurousagi or some rubbish like that omg just kill me now

…AAAND u know what?  I don’t really give a fuck about this game anymore rofl I srsly have no fucking clue what’s going on.  I ‘m pretty stoned now and I feel like making shit up.

So basically, turns out Shizuku and Chrono had some gay relationship back in the day and that’s why Chrono’s been wanting to kill Alice all this time

Alice thanks Shizuku for being honest with her but tells the guy that he really has to be honest with Chrono or he’ll keep stalking the rest of us – and that means no more sex for Shizuku

Fearing for his penis’s health, Shizuku runs off to find Chrono where Alice asks what Chrono really wants from Shizuku

Chrono finally confesses that…he wants to bone Shizuku like:

“Just like good old times?”

Shizuku rejects Chrono though so Chrono ends up crying like a butthurt bitch in the corner.

Shizuku and Arisa then bang their way to an early grave.

OMG WHAT IS THIS SO BEAUTIFUL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW.

Chrono/ Tokitou-sensei

OMFG SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT THIS GUY UP THIS VOICE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING.  So yeah Chrono’s the crazy mad hatter who spends the game being an angry, butthurt douchebag who forces everyone to come to his lame old tea parties.   Well as revealed in Round’s route, Chrono’s just a really lonely guy so he’s not really evil…but GODDAMNIT HIS VOICE IS SRSLY SO FUCKING GRATING SOMEONE PLEASE FIRE HIS VA PLEASE

So needless to say, I was extremely thankful that this guy only had one route.  I’m guessing that his route’s gna be super sad and tragic

….AND I WAS WRONG.

His route is just that he captures Alice, becomes the boss of Wonderland and he spends everyday raping Alice in front of Kurousagi as revenge for spurning his homo advances on him.

YES I KNOW THERE ARE STILL MORE ROUTES LIKE THE STORY ONES AND JIKAN’S ONE BUT FUCK ME I’M NOT A MASOCHIST I’M DONE WITH THIS GAME 

Afterthoughts and Conclusion

…I don’t even…wtf was I playing lolol

I’m…not sure what to say.  This game wasn’t horrible or anything it was just...so…confusing.  And BORING.  Holy fuck on top of not understanding what was going on, I didn’t even give a fuck anymore so a lot of the time the game was on skip.  I mean, wtf is hiyo doing trying to integrate plot into her porn games?  WASN’T 110% RAPE GOOD ENOUGH ALREADY??  I know everyone’s been giving you shit for having stupid heroines and too much rape but tbh, I LIKED IJIWARU MY RAPISTS OKAY??  I THOUGHT KURUMI WAS ADORABLE NO YOU CAN’T SUE ME FOR LIKING CUTE GIRLS IT’S NOT A SIN.

I liked the art :D  Like the costume designs were all so cute and everything and I want Cheshire’s kitty puppet. It felt so wrong seeing these cute characters bone each other though – it was almost like reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar and then suddenly seeing a scene depicting Mothra flying in to rape the caterpillar.  Okay that’s a terrible analogy but i dunno man it just wasn’t right.

I also liked the soundtrack – very twinkly.  And surprisingly enough, Alice wasn’t a total doormat and she was cute at times but  NO ONE TOPS KURUMI KAY.  KURUMI IS MY WIFE.  I hated whiny ass Shadow (which is saying sth cuz I LIKE my crazies, my yandere), fucking Chrono needs to get his vocal cords removed and I didn’t feel shit for the characters.  If i had to choose a fave, I guess…Light?  No probably Cheshire cuz his route had no twisty shit and it felt like a straightforward porn game route rofl.

AND YES.  KUROUSAGI.  I know I’m prolly sposed to be fanboying over how he’s so ERAAIIIII so LOOOVVVINGG so SELFLESSS so IN LOVE WITH ALICE and willing to do everything for her but honestly…I’m kinda freaked out by how his brain works…the dude fucking turned Alice into his little sister – if that doesn’t scream full blown out psycho to you I don’t know what does.

So in the end, what did this game mean to me?  UH NOTHING LOL

I JUST PLAYED THIS GAME CUZ MY DEAR READERS WANTED TO SEE HOW ALICE WOULD GET RAPED IN THIS GAME AND I’M SO SORRY ALICE ONLY GETS RAPED LIKE TWICE AND NOW U SHALL ALL WORSHIP ME FOR GOING THROUGH THIS HARROWING ORDEAL.

I don’t know man…this game just left me so confused…and the colours are terrifying still…

Don’t play this game if you’re looking for rape cuz there ain’t much – go play Ijiwaru my Rapists or UTM for that shit.  Otherwise, I guess this game was okay.  Terrifying yes, but it wasn’t terrible lol

TIL not to play hiyo games while high.

39 Responses to “Otome Game Review: Dicks and Alice”

  1. LMAO I agree with your review. I abandoned this game after 1 hours of playing, boring and confusing like hell. I am surprised there are only 2 rapes scene in this game considering rape, drugs are sort of requirement in R-18 otome LMAO.

    Great reviews as usual from you~

    • domshiki Says:

      damn i shud have dumped this game too lolol
      Yeah same here i was so surprised there wasn’t like rape in everyone’s route considering it was hiyo…im not sure whether im relieved or disappointed

  2. LMAOOOO oh my god I’m laughing so hard I’m crying ((((((((((ノ∀`)・゚・。 アヒャヒャヒャヒャ

    I played the demo and it was SO BORING man so I guess it’s no shocker the full game is a drag,. Not much rape eh? So mostly murder and trippin balls shit I guess? w

    I guess after Akazukin, hiyo decided to turn down the rape factor and turn up the tl;dr XD;; Thanks for the review お疲れ茶ぁ (●´▽`)_旦 (´ω`●)

    • domshiki Says:

      OMGAHHH I COULDN’T BELIEVE YOU LET ME SUFFER THROUGH THIS GAME KNOWING IT WAS SAO BORING T.T

      yeah i was surprised u kno cuz they didn’t even show Chrono raping Alice so it was pretty much JUST Shadow being his creeper self…what’s wrong with hiyo??

  3. owlden Says:

    lol, yeah. You had my exact reaction when I played this too xD Actually, I guess you sweared a lot more than me, but the level of “WTF is going on?!” thing is the same. :P I LOVED the sex scenes. xD I was laughing because of the topless girly dudes. THEY LOOK TOO ADORABLE TO BE SMEXY, MKAY?

    • domshiki Says:

      duuude i was cussing through the entire game cuz WTF WAS GOING ON I DIDN’T KNOW.

      LOLOLOL YEAH it felt so wrong seeing those super cute characters bone each other + the horrible sex sounds just made me giggle throughout the whole thing

  4. “Cheshire has a kitty puppet on one of his hands that he refers to as his “real self” or some shit – CLEARLY, THIS GUY HAS ISSUES.”

    …his issue being “I’m a hollow/shallow person who constantly have a hand/fist stuck up my ass”…?

    Also, that CG with Shizuku hugging Arisa in bed… am I the only one freaked out by how _sharp_ his fingers looked…?

    • domshiki Says:

      rofl ur not i kept thinking about how painful sex mustve been for poor Alice and his demon fingers…

      Basically everyone had issues in this game lolol

  5. おつかれさまでしたああ!! (ヾ(´▽`)ノ

    I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one who was confused as fuck when playing this game. The whole time I was asking myself “Am I supposed to understand this shit?”. I actually tortured myself by playing all the endings for every. freaking. character. I take it you didn’t do the 3P endings for the twins? Be glad you didn’t. God.. Double ear rape by Hino Satoshi scarred me for life.

    • domshiki Says:

      thanks :3
      LOL U DID? holy shit i gave up like “im not playing this shit” when half the endings were just like bad endings. rofl no i didn’t do the 3p ending cuz i didn’t care anymore hahaa and yeah…double ear rape by hino satoshi….do not want cuz i actually just started liking him some

  6. Good job xD I recomended it even tho I played it cuz there were no reviews around, and you always make them so fun to read. Sorry for making you through that ordeal, it was really nice to read your review xD

    Now I have confirmed I wasn’t the only who was like “wtf is going on, I don’t quite understand e.e”, this game is like that LOL. Aside from that, I liked some moments and some CGs (because some of them look too deformed xD) so I kinda liked the game, however I can say this is not a great game and all that non-sensical stuff must be there because of the theme (Alice in Wonderland) but as I can see Hiyo doesn’t know how to handle that and this game is just trippin’ balls LOL

    How about moving on to ANOTHER R-18+ to keep the trend? xD Koezaru ha akai hana, I would like to read that from you too :P Ha, ha 8D

    • domshiki Says:

      IT’S OKAY I PLAYED THROUGH THIS HELL FOR LOVE T.T

      I thought i was retarded the entire game cuz i cudn’t understand shit – I thought it was just my horrible japaoinees or sth. glad to know im not alone. yeah the romancey parts were actually cute but it was ruined by the sillyass plot and i dunno, in general i was just kinda -_- whileplaying this game lol.

      LOL sounds good I’ll try that one after I finish Genroh and HnK4 – I heard it’s actually really good or sth :O

  7. “NOW U SHALL ALL WORSHIP ME FOR GOING THROUGH THIS HARROWING ORDEAL.”

    Hold that thought ‘coz I’m buildin’ ya a monument right now… or just piling up some rocks for ya. Great review as usual. And yep, it’s impressive that you actually went through and paid attention to this game lol. I just had it on auto the whole frayken time on the background and did my own thing (*^v^). After getting through KuroUsagi’s one route, I gave up and went for a savedata from somewhere. My brain is too much of a simpleton to understand the plot.

    • domshiki Says:

      so touched thanks for dem rocks <3
      I actually did for the first like 5 run throughs but then I didn't get shit so i started auto-ing and doing my own thang like you haha. I should have just hunted for a savedata too my brain got raped way too hard playing this

      • Hahaha, if by raped you mean your brain also went “No, please stop! Stop! No more! I don’t get wahdafuq this game is about!” Then I can honestly say I actually had the same experience. I guess Hiyo’s complex plots are meant to violate the brains of otome gamers in this way, too lol.

  8. The TL;DR : This game is some trippy shit son. XD

    I’m guessing it’s the weed that got you to type this funny stuff up hmm hmm? ;) The only reason I would play the game is because the art work looks shiny and colourful (It got me hypnotized~) Other than that, probably because of Shizuku because he’s main character and dah bossu~

    What is up with all the heroines these days? They don’t have any assertive skills, they don’t listen to warnings, and they’re practically walking around with a sign that says “RAPE ME PLZ”. The other thing that bugs me is that sometimes the girls have WAY too big of dem tits to fit their skinny bodies o_o

    You took one for the team and played this game \(; u ;)/ I finally understand what each route’s about now >:D

    • domshiki Says:

      That’s what the great white north is good for, homeboi – weed and maple syrup hurhurhur. yeah same ere i was looking forward to Shizuku but he turned out to be some incest fetish freak. yay.

      YEAH I MEAN IF FEMINISTS PLAYED OTOME GAMES…DEAR FUCKING GOD MAN they’d try to shut down the entire industry after they see how doormatty all the heroines are lolol. Alice actually had smaller tits this time compared to u kno…UTM and Kurumi from Ijiwaru my Rapists (rofl fucking airbags)

      YES I TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM AND I’M PROUD OF IT FUCK YEAH <3

  9. Well. … The arts nice and sparkly I guess :)

    Congrats for playing multiple endings per chara and I have to say… … must have been extremely interesting. XD And twins always seem to end up being yandere or something =.=

    Would love to say ‘At least you enjoyed it!’ but guess that’s not really accurate is it? Ah well. おつかれ!

    • domshiki Says:

      lol yeah the art is like teh game’s only saving grace

      NO I FUCKING STONED THROUGH THE ENTIRE GAME LIKE -_- WATZ GOING AHN THIS GAME WAS SO BLOODY CONFUSING. IM GLAD THIS IS OVER WITH.

  10. (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Says:

    it’s been a few years since i’ve started playing otome games but hiyo’s writing still sounds boring as shit and i’m not too keen on the rape. OTL i’ll probably stick to reading your reviews. GOOD JOB MAN FOR YOUR SACRIFICE. i totally lost it at the pills part.

    and still waiting for your stoned GENROH review \o/ and hopefully HNK4 too since omg it’s actually pretty nice, better than the recent HNK FD flop!

    • domshiki Says:

      LOL yeah wtf this game was so bloody boring omfg.
      I jsut finished Genroh and I should have that up by today or tmr :3

  11. fluffyshrukien Says:

    You have all my respect for playing this hell.

    ‘ it was almost like reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar and then suddenly seeing a scene depicting Mothra flying in to rape the caterpillar.’

    Why are you so funny? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY? It was funny to read this tho, Alice your such a hoe<3 I read this while waiting for Sengoku Basara Season 2 to load…. (lol. Yukimura's still retarded/cute)

    DAMMIT. I CAN'T TAKE THIS GAME SERIOUSLY ALL THE MEN LOOK LIKE CHICKS GODDAMMIT I THINK I'M GOING INSANE AND HOW ARE ALICE'S BOOBS SO BIG WHEN SHE'S SO SKINNY DAMMIT I WANT HER BOOBS-

    Yeah. So I'm SO SORRY IF THIS BUGS YOU but would you consider reviewing a BL game? I NO SPEAK JAPANESE and I don't wanna play Enzai… altho Jose is hot….

    Kudos 2 you, as always. *Begins Building Altar*

    • domshiki Says:

      rofl I just write whatever comes to mind I don’t even know what I’m writing half the time haha.

      LOL I THUOGHT THE SAME ABT HER TITS but i must say, it’s gotten btr cuz i rmb Ashe from UTM…and Kurumi from Ijiwaru my rapists…my god those were huge airbags

      ENZAI? isn’t that shit like really fucked up like Sweet Pool level of fucked-up-ness? Haha I’ll see once I get through my huge backlog of games to play ;)

      • fluffyshurkien Says:

        Dude.

        Picture Sweet Pool minus the ACTUAL PLOT/TRAGEDY and plus a bunch of prison rape, rape, gang rape, sex, sex, sex, slight shota, hot horny men, insanity, S+M, and a ton of other shit.

        Okay, so I MIGHT have watched the walkthroughs on youtube. Don’t judge me. And then looked up the porn scenes. I was curious. I’d love to see your reaction to that one, XD.

        THANK YOU SO MUCH! I need my daily dose of slightly porny BL reviews, sankchu very much.

  12. F-lin Says:

    lol , ur review is funny ^^
    thx so much for ur sacrifice. I worship u now XD
    =__= I’m glad that I didn’t play it. Hiyo is dead now (for me).

    ^^ I’m waiting for ur next review

  13. I believe this is the most WTF’s review you’ve ever made lol it’s really funny.All my respect to you :3

    Man,now that it has less rape and lotsa plot,I thought of playing this game,but dem PLOTZZ can be really confusing too xD

    …………..(i say less rape but i actually love yanderes too,what’s wrong with me 0w0 is this your fault)

    Anyway,I’m also waiting for your Genroh review too.I love the art.*Nise No Chigiri’s fangirl*

    • domshiki Says:

      NO DON’T PLAY IT IT’S NOT WORTH IT IT’LL RAPE YOUR MIND HARD.

      huehue yanderes are adorable <3

  14. Ok so I guess hiyo stopped making the heriones getting raped and moved onto raping the players minds instead.

  15. how do u get shizuku’s route?

  16. shakaboom Says:

    ALL MY RESPECT TO YOU!! Congratz for going thru all that batshit in hiyo’s game. And I must agree with you, this game is as boring as hell. I quitted after I went thru some of the characters’s routes tho. X_X

    Srsly this game is like shit and made me go all ‘wtf am i playing’, and their outfits made me go roflmao all the time. It’s as if the clothes has this invisible sign that goes ‘RAPE ME’ or sumthin. Especially Cheshire’s. Poor chick…

    Anw, laf your review, and gawd, this is probably the only trick or alice review that could make me go all ROFL. WHY ARE YU SO FUNNY GAWD?? xD

    • domshiki Says:

      WHY THANK YOU <3

      lol I can't believe I actually played pretty much the whole game, this was so fucking terrible. I was expecting to see raep shiet like this ijiwaru my rapists and UTM but god this was just so boring. I found myself WANTING the hiyo style rape and stuff but there pretty much wasn't any and it was all put into writing some boringass plot.

  17. Croissantlover2890 Says:

    Hiyo’s one disturbed woman. All I can say :P

    • domshiki Says:

      damn straight lol I preferred her when she just wrote rapey stories – least it was predictable and so hiyo

  18. i wonder if the anime will be good ;D

    • OokamiZChan Says:

      there making an ANIME?? Refusing to watch it because I will be rofl all over Alice or Arisa.

  19. OokamiZChan Says:

    God, this game SUCKS SHIT. It ruined all likes I had for Alice in Wonderlan! LOL NO! This is just shit though. WTF was going on half the time? I got to doormouses (half way through) and was like what the hell is this? I don’t get it. What the FUCK is the plot to this?!

    And basically, I want to murder this remake of Alice and ALL of Wonderland’s inhabinants. Good night, and screw you sucky Alice, the Cock Sucker of Wonderland.

  20. coppero Says:

    ohmigod im absolutely tickled pink that i discovered this site, stumbled upon while looking for some Koezaru sexytime, ohoho.
    You gaiis are hilarious and from this day henceforth you will have one more devoted follower.

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