Otome Game Review – GENROH

Alternative Titles: 源狼 ～GENROH～

Company: Otomate

Release Date: 30.08.12

Official Site: otomate.jp/genroh/

Platform: PSP

Genre: Heian, fucking loli heroine, pedophiles everywhere!

Plot Summary: Our protagonist, Saya, can see some crazy shit and can tell at a glance, the value of something.  Her mother suddenly drops dead one day and seeing as Saya’s like totally fucked on LSD, a rich passerby dude decides to take her in and puts her into rehab.  Some months later, Saya’s clean but still trips out and has her magical eyes.  Around the same time, some rich merchant family loses their heir so they frantically run all over Japan, trying to find a loli to become the successor.  Well, whaddya know, they set their eyes on poor Saya and kidnap her.

Lol wtf ikr.  Fucking Japan and her pedophiles huahuahruhuhaurua

WARNING: SUPER LONG INCOHERENT POST WITH A BUHJILLION HISTORICAL ERRORS READ AT OWN RISK

And before we begin, I present to you, my loves, my obligatory, customary, and very much necessary intro about how I suck absolute mouldy DICK wen it comes to Japanese history (or anything Japanese for tha matter) – cuz u know, just in case someone chews me out for getting shit wrong but now they can’t cuz AH PUT A FUCKING DISCLAIMER RAAGHT ERE so leave my stoning soul alone ty<3.

I didn’t even know what era this was till I did some research afterwards lolol.  Now that we’ve established the fact that I’m fuck stupid, Genroh’s set in the HEIAN era which is from 794 till 1185.  I skimmed the wiki page and apparently, everyone was a gay monk and and all they did was get high and write silly stories and poetry.  It was considered the pinnacle of beauty to whiten your face with cocaine and blacken your teeth with tar; it was a time where men had scraggly waggly thin beards, and women had devilishly thin, period blood red lips and repainted their eyebrows so high that they disappeared into their pitch dark hairlines.  It was a time when people still had a brain in their noggin and didn’t trade in goods  for paper money, which inherently has no real worth.

MONEY IS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU IT’S ALL A CONSPIRACY!!

Kay I’m just fucking around now and if anyone wants some real info about the Heian Peroid, here’s the wiki page.

So Saya’s minding her business and shit when one day, a hottie called CHIDORI shows up with a horde of other servants and takes her away to some big land called…fuck I can’t rmb.  Let’s call it Halo (cuz Halo 4’s coming out soon and I’m excited hurhur) kay.  Saya gets taken to Halo and there, she meets the head of this merchant family: KICHIJI NOBUTAKA.  The Kichiji fam is some richass big merchant family in Halo and controls a lot of the place.  Nobutaka immediately insults Saya by offering her green and riches if she became the new heir so Saya tells him to smd but she stays the night cuz it’s getting late and Japan’s full of loli rapists.

The next morn, Saya’s all ready to ditch the place but in comes FUJIWARA HIDEHIRA.  The Fujiwara fam basically controlled Japan or some shit cuz they fucked the imperial family blablabla idk but basically Hidehira is a big man in Japan and Kichiji Nobutaka serves him. He takes a liking to Saya’s no bs personality and tells her to give Halo a try – stay ere for 10 days and who knows, she might WANT to become the heir after that.  Saya agrees and runs off to explore like any 12 year old brat.

Minamoto no Yoshitsune

You know what?  I’ve played through the entire game and I STILL don’t know wtf this guy is.  Is he like some male shrine maiden or sth?  I dunno but I just thought of him as the twin of that tranny looking dude from Hikaru no Go

Okay nvm I just got off my lazy ass and did some research and APPARENTLY, he’s sposed to be some really famous japanese general or sth woteva go google it.  Anyway, unlike the cover art suggests, Yoshi (lets call him Yoshi cuz he has a retardedly long name.  And Yoshi’s cute <3) ain’t the stoic bamf of the game (that’s played by someone else) – he’s a lazy fuckstick, likes dicking around all day and spends all his time running away from his tutors and shit.  Good thing is, he’s a likeable bum and is charismatic, a chill nice guy, and commanding as fuck.  He’s also one of the purest people like ever, and horribly naive, trusts everyfucking one and always gets crushed over and over again when they betray him.  He has 4 slaves: BENKEI, KOUTAROU, TSUGUNOBU and TADANOBU

Saya first bumps into this guy playing his um…flute (that is a flute right?) on the bridge and is immediately enraptured by the pretty music and the pretty flute.  Yoshi tells her that his flute only attracts pests and sure enough, his tutor, FUJIWARA NO YASUHIRA (Hidehira’s nephew or sth) shows up to drag Yoshi back to his studies.  Yoshi ends up using Saya as an excuse to flee and dumps her with Yasu lol.

Saya meets the crew and eventually finds herself wanting to become the heir.  She tells Grandpa Kichiji that she’ll be his heir so she starts her training.  Yoshi often drops by to invite Saya over for fun and games and pretty much becomes her new older bro of sorts and warns all the other guys not to touch her when one of em muses that Saya’s almost of age to marry lol like:

Blablabla not much happens, Saya gets a pet eagle or sth called YUKI CHAN and one day, Grandpa Kichiji falls ill and is dying.  Before he dies, he tells Saya that he’s actually her dad – he fell in love with her mom at her village but her mom refused to marry him and move to the big city.  Years later, he finds out that she had a daughter but was intent on keeping him away from Saya.  Saya ain’t surprised cuz this was totally obvious and he goes on to tell her that the original heir (his son), HARUTAKA, was actually killed by a bunch of bandits called um…The Green Pigs.  The Green Pigs were after this magical rock that the Kichiji fam had – it had the ability to detect precious metals but could only be used by someone of the Kichiji fam.  Saya’s to find the rock and then Grandpa Kichiji dies and Saya becomes the head of the family.

One day, Saya gets attacked by some Tengu guy who starts perving on her like the typical Japanese lolicon before he knocks out her Yuki-chan and hands Saya the magical rock which immediately starts glowing.  Yoshi and co pop in and Saya’s all like “KILL THE HENTAI” but turns out that Mr. Tengu is Yoshi’s MENTOR.  They start chatting like old friends before Mr. Tengu pulls a Catwoman on them and disappears.  Yoshi vehemently refuses to believe that Mr. Tengu killed Harutaka and stole the rock but agrees to search him up.

Some time later, Yoshi explains to Saya that his father was a warlord or sth who got killed in battle.  To save Yoshi, Yoshi’s ma gave herself to the enemy warlord and Yoshi became one of that dude’s many sons.  As a kid, Yoshi was pissed that his mom was sleeping with the enemy etc so he would run off and practice swinging around a sword and shit.  He hears about this invincible Tengu in the mountains so like any dumb brash kid, he charges into the mountain and starts yelling at the lil bitch to fight him.  The Tengu kicks his ass hard and after much stalking and pleading from Yoshi, Mr. Tengu took Yoshi in as a disciple and trained him in weapons and shit.  The one thing that Mr. Tengu refused to teach Yoshi was Genjutsu illusion shit because that shit is dark and evil and he wanted Yoshi to stay on the right path.

Kyoto then becomes on the verge of breaking out into war cuz the TAIRA CLAN kidnapped The Emperor’s heir or sth and stole the royal seals or some shit so Yoshi is called back to fight for his homeplace.  Saya’s super sad that everyone is leaving but Yoshi promises to win and when he does, he’ll call for her in Kyoto.  Course Saya follows Yoshi for reasons I cannot rmb and Yoshi caves.

Holy fuck srsly nothing happens in this game blablabla timeskip of 3 years Saya is 16 now.  Yoshi met up with his older bro, Big Yoshi and now serves under him.  Blablabla Yoshi meets an old friend of his who is now his enemy, he finds out that THE EMPEROR sent Mr. Tengu after Saya herpaderpa derp and finally, Yoshi’s sent out to fight the TAIRA clan.  Saya says what has got to be trademark line

WATAASHEH OH ZURETEHKUDACHAAAI <3 so Yoshi does and shit.

He fights against his old friend cuz it turns out he’s in the TAIRA CLAN and the old friend dies after giving Yoshi his old flute.

Yoshi then decides to ambush the enemy and rides through a storm.  Saya nearly gets tossed off the boat during the storm and in an attempt to save her, Yoshi almost gets tossed off too but they’re both saved by bamf Benkei, who singlehandedly rescues the both of em.  When they get to shore, Saya nonstop praises Benkei like

SUGOOOOIIIIIIII SUBARASHIIIIIII DAISUKIIIIIIIIII <3

While Yoshi’s just stewing in jealousy the entire time.  When Saya finally stfus about Benkei, he tries to tell her sth but then Saya turns her attentions to her Yukichan and starts cooing over her birdie instead.  Finally when the two are left alone, does Saya realise that Yoshi’s all grouchy and she tries to start a convo with him…by sucking Benkei’s dick some more rofl.  Yoshi sighs and comments that Saya REALLY likes Benkei and how Benkei is a total boss etc before he tells her that he’s been trying to thank her for being with him the entire time etc…that and how Yoshi did try to save her too lolol on the boat so give him some credit too.

More fights ensue where one of Yoshi’s men, TSUGUNOBU takes a near fatal hit and loses his left eye and to put more suck on top of everything else, BENKEI DIES T.T NOOOOOOEZ.  As Saya and Yoshi both mourn the loss of Benkei, Yoshi tells Saya that Benkei was perhaps the most considerate man he had ever known: following the events of the crazy storm where Benkei saved Saya and Yoshi, Yoshi tells Saya that Benkei had been avoiding Saya since then cuz the guy noticed that Yoshi didn’t like how close the two were.  Saya realises that Yoshi’s right and bawls some more.

In the end, Yoshi defeats the enemy TAIRA clan cuz the entire Taira clan basically committed suicide by drowning themselves and took the little boy emperor down with em too.  Big Brother Yoshi however, doesn’t contact Yoshi for ages after that and Saya brings up the possibility that Big Bro Yoshi was just USING Yoshi to win wars and now that he’s done with Yoshi…well Yoshi snaps here and yells at Saya to gtfo and never show her face to him again for saying shit about his older bro.

Saya doesn’t see Yoshi for some time too cuz she’s horribly hurt and all but one day, Yukichan leads her to Yoshi and there, a bunch of assassins have attacked Yoshi and his men.  Yoshi lives though and when interrogated, the assassins reveal that they were sent by Big Bro Yoshi.  Yoshi’s all SHOKKU but apologises to Saya for being a dickweed and mumbly fumbly tells her that he was super lonely without her all this time…“Well, I mean, we ALL were..and you should come visit cuz uh….KOUTAROU misses you” lolol can’t be honest eh.  They make up but realise that Big Bro Yoshi is after Yoshi so they decide to flee the place.

Yoshi tries to ride through the storm again but only ends up killing off the 300 men he had, leaving only 15.  Going into despair, he tells his last faithful slave, KOUTAROU, to just leave before shit happens so Koutarou does with his other men and Yoshi’s just left with Saya.  He goes on about how he’s a ruined man now, no men, no money, no anything but Saya holds his hand and tells him that he has her and even if the whole world went against him, she’d still be here with him.  Yoshi thanks her and tells her that he’s going to take her back to Halo no matter what and just as the two are getting cozy, Tengu Sensei comes in to cockblock like

and tells Yoshi that The Emperor still wants him and Saya.  If Saya joins sides with The Emerpror, she’ll be granted protection and shit but Saya tells him to go fuck himself before Yoshi tells Tengu Sensei to join him.  Tengu Sensei can’t cuz he’s evil or some shit whatever

Soon, Saya tries to confess to Yoshi but the guy only tells her not to say anything cuz he doesn’t want to hear it.  He tells her that he’s an exiled man who cannot make her happy – that and he sees her only as an lg sis.  There was some stuff about his mom too but I forgot lol.

GOOD END

Finally, the two almost reach Halo but ere, Yoshitune tells Saya that he can’t stay with her cuz that’ll bring all dem soldiers to this area.  Right on cue, a buhjillion soldiers come to capture him and Saya but they’re saved by TSUGUNOBU, then by none other than…BENKEI YES HE DIDN’T DIE AFTER ALL <3 They defeat the soldiers and Yoshi’s super pissed at Benkei for ditching him and Benkei explains that he went back to his temple to uh, repent for his sins of killing rofl.  Anyway they all return to Halo and it’s been 7 years since they left – yet Saya still look like a 14 yr old lg wtf.

HIDEHIRA welcomes em all back in and tells Yoshi that what Yoritomo wants the entire Japan and will attack Halo anyway.  Hidehira kicks the bucket soon and tells Yoshi to protect Halo.  Blablabla, Hidehira’s son, YASUHIRA freaks out at the notion of Yoritomo invading Halo so he tries to hand Yoshi over but in comes Tengu sensei to save the day and Yoshi and co head to the sea to go to Chaaahhna.  Before Yoshi crosses though, he heads back to Kyoto to see his older bro and it was pretty sad to see Yoshi ask his bro

Just wtf he did wrong to deserve all this hatred from his bro, and his bro just tells him that

Yoshi didn’t do shit – he was simply too strong.

Yasuhira burns down Halo, gets killed and has his head put up for show.  Yoshi goes to retrieve the head and after playing a song to honour Yasuhira the pussbag, Yoshi finally mans up and tells Saya that he loves her – he’s just been too chicken to tell her but now he’s sure he can make her happy.

Well…that was anticlimatic…

And then they all escape to China and live happily ever after.

crappiest kiss cg ever? Yoshi looks to be half Saya’s size

wtf.  I just spent like a whole fucking week ploughing through his hell route and all I got was 99% warshit and lolishit and 1% otoge?  wtf is this shit.

Oh and Tengu sensei gets killed by The Emperor

If they fuck up Benkei’s route, I’m binning this game.  No jk.

BAD END

Tsugunobu and co don’t appear to save Yoshi and Saya when they get ganked and Yoshi gets struck down by an arrow.  As he lies dying, he apologises for Saya for not being able to keep his promise of taking her home to Halo.  He confesses that it’s been super hard to see her as a little sis these recent years cuz she’s been getting more and more beautiful (wtf she looks like a 12 yr old to me) and in truth, he loves her.  Saya berates him for being so late but reciprocates his feelings and together, they die as husband and wife.

Is it weird that I liked this ending way btr?

Musashibou Wifebeater Benkei

The silent bamf of the game and I was in love with him right from the start huehue.  Prior to becoming enslaved by Yoshi, he was a super pro fighter monk like Lee Sin but when he got defeated by Yoshi 3 times, he decided to serve Yoshi.  Huge and always glowering at sth, Saya shat herself the first time she met him and immediately started bawling.  Poor Benkei could only watch like “WAHT AH DOOO” before he runs in and gets her some dango to cheer her up.  YES.  THIS NIG CAN COOK AND DO HOUSEWORK <3 He’s also prolly the most considerate dude ever but has shades of being tsun/kuudere and gets pretty passive aggressive sometimes.

WARNING FOR SUPER LONG BENKEI FANBOYING <3

GAWD WHY IS HE SO CUTE.  Especially when he gets all crestfallen when people don’t eat his food. I MEAN WHO CAN SAY NO TO THIS.

AND LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS WHEN PEOPLE SCARF DOWN HIS NOM NOMS.

TOO CUTE FUCK I GOT DIABETES NOW.

Anyway, Benkei’s like super adorable and takes good care of his Saya, feeding her, piggy backing her when she’s tired and shit and once, he puts her on his shoulders to see a birdy’s nest, telling her not to worry cuz she be light as a feather.

One time, they go fishing and when Saya gets dragged into the water and ends up soaking wet, Benkei’s like “U WILL CATCH COLD. STRIP” *staaaare* and then Saya gets all red and tells him that it’s too HAZUKASHIIII but Benkei’s not amused and tells her

wtf no ones interested in her loli body so stop being weird LOL BENKEI.

He apologises for being tactless though, hands her his…scarf and makes a fire while Saya strips under it.  Saya then falls asleep on Benkei’s shoulder :3

Everyone goes on a trip to the hot springs and while everyone’s piss drunk or whatever, Saya goes outside to find Benkei.  Lo and behold, she finds Benkei fornicating with her hot servant, YAE, and watches as the two snuggle up together before finally splitting up.  Saya gingerly walks up to Benkei, who asks whether she just saw what happened and when Saya just tells him that he and Yae make a wonderful couple, he tries to tell her that it wasn’t like that and instead, says that he got drunk and started hitting on Yae but she dumped him rofl.  Saya calls bs on this cuz c’mon, its Benkei! The asexual honourable monk!  before she heads back inside and finds Yae.  Yae tells her that she was just drunk as hell so she went to Benkei for some meds but she ended up falling into him – Benkei just wanted to uh “protect her honour” cuz u kno, he’s super nice and considerate so he made up that stupid lie.

Blablabla, the wars about to start so everyone has to head to KAMAKURA to join up with Big Yoshi.  There, they hear about how the TAIRA clan has been gathering forces in Kyoto.  Benkei hears about how um…I’m just gna call him LEO cuz he looks like a lion lolol – so Benkei hears about how Leo of the Taira clan is gna be leading forces or sth and he suddenly decides to make a journey to kyoto.  Saya wants to visit Yae in Kyoto too so she tells Benkei that she’s going to Kyoto too.  Benkei tells her that he’s not taking her along with him but he’s so sweet; everytime Saya gets tired (cuz of Benkei’s super long strides), he pretends he’s tired too; everytime Saya gets hungry, he tells her to go ahead cuz he’s gna sit and eat and Saya ends up eating with him.  Gah Benkei, you’re too much.

They reach Kyoto where Benkei this time, splits with Saya for good.  She bumps into none other than LEO, who like Benkei, is pretty intimidating at first but turns out to be a total sweetheart – albeit a super rowdy, easy to understand one.  When he hears that Saya’s lost, he offers to help her find her way but in pops Benkei and Leo immediately roars at the monk to return his goddamn sword.  Benkei tells him that’s what he came for and hands him the sword but Leo’s like “NO WE MUST HAVE SHOUBU” and goes on about all the shit he’s been given from his elders cuz he lost that sword like

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT AH BEEN THROUGH

no.

lolol Benkei.  Anyway, Benkei agrees to fight after much pestering and he basically one hit KOs Leo.  Leo tells Benkei to hold onto the sword till next time they fight again and leaves.  Saya asks why Benkei stole the sword and he tells Saya that he’s an evil person who has sinned real bad in the past: he was so rowdy he got kicked out of his temple and then he decided to block a bridge and take the swords of those who tried to chose – just for shits and giggles.

ROFLCOPTER SO BENKEI WAS STH LIKE THIS?? 

 

LOOOL.

Anyway, his goal was to get 1000 swords to grant a desperate wish of his and he took Leo’s sword.  The 1000th swordbearer finally shows up and that was none other than YOSHI himself, who defeated Benkei and basically fucked up Benkei’s chance at getting his wish granted rofl.  Benkei says he doesn’t regret shit cuz from that mo on, the only thing he wanted to do was serve Yoshi.  When asked what his wish was, Benkei falls silent and says no more.

Tengu-san comes again to take Saya where Benkei totally flips his shit but Tengu-san fucks up Benkei’s arm.  Leo comes in to save the day and helps the two back home, where Saya starts praising Leo, resulting in a jelly Benkei all like

I FOUGHT HIM TWICE AND WON BOTH TIMES.

Saya: so?

Soon, everyone sets off to the first battle and for once, Saya doesn’t tag along and waits for em to come back.  When they do, first thing Saya does is glomp an unsuspecting Benkei and Yoshitsune asks Saya what Leo is like.  She talks about how Leo’s fight with Benkei was amazing to watch and how Benkei’s so strong and wonderful lol.  Well more looool when a drunk Yoshitsune ruins the moment like

URHUEURHUEHUEHUE WELL AH BEAT BENKEI 3 TIMES!!!

and he proceeds onto smacking the shit out of Benkei with his fan rofl.  I love Yoshi.  I can’t believe how considerate Benkei is, he even changes his position subtly to block the wind from hitting Saya when they stand outside at night.

Anyway, Yoshi decides that he and his Tengu-sensei need a little chat and Saya tags along.  Benkei’s pissed as fuck cuz the Tengu’s dangerous as fuck so he gives her the cold shoulder until she gets tired from the hike and Yoshi decides to piggy back her.  Benkei freaks like “NO I WON’T LET YOU DIRTY MASTER’S BACK I WILL TAKE YOU”.  While piggybacking her, Benkei tells her that she’s fat and that from now on, he’s cutting down her meal portions LOL BENKEI.  Tengu shows up and the minute the guy approaches Saya, Benkei goes absolutely apeshit and tells the pedo to back.the.fuck.off.  Benkei doesn’t back down even when Yoshi tells him to and Tengu only tells Saya to make a perfect replica of her magical stone before he disappears.  Yoshi only half reprimands Benkei cuz he knows Benkei was doing it for Saya but when Saya tries to thank Benkei, Benkei’s still mad and only snaps that he ain’t piggybacking her fat ass the way down so WALK.  rofl oh how I do love Benkei.

That night during dinner, Saya doesn’t eat much and when she’s about to go home, Benkei insists on escorting her.  There, he apologises and tells her that he didn’t mean what he said about her being fat: he was just irate that’s all so eat more okay?  The two make up and all is good.

Well, time for Yoshi to fight the Taira clan so he and his slaves have to set off again and ofc, Saya does her whole “TAKE MEH WITH YOUS”, resulting in an irritated Benkei again.  They go on the boat during the storm where Benkei’s like “every man on his own I ain’t saving you” but Saya ends up getting knocked out from the waves and shit.  When she wakes up, a sleeping Benkei is holding her and when he wakes up, he freaks and pushes Saya away and doesn’t meet her eye lolol, changing the subject every time Saya tries to thank him.  Koutarou chips in and tells Saya that she’s lucky to have Benkei: the guy had been calling her name nonstop the entire time while trying to save her and hasn’t let go of her since then.  Dere Benkei tells em all to bugger off and when Saya finally manages to thank Benkei, we get this:

D’aaaaaw.  Please tell me I’m not the only one going all gaga for Benkei here.

Blablabla the fight happens and Leo kills TSUGUNOBU.  Saya weeps that night, with Benkei consoling her, who tells her that she should return to Halo where she won’t have to be sad and see shit like this.  Saya refuses and for once, Benkei smiles and doesn’t get all annoyed that she’s throwing herself into danger.  The next day, Benkei and Saya go to see House Mormont of Bear Island to ask him for ships.  There, they meet the head, Sir Jorah Mormont (kay I know the head isn’t Jorah in GoT but Maege is a woman and it doesn’t fit here) who agrees and tells Saya about Benkei’s past.  Benkei was apparently abandoned by both parents and dumped at a temple.  He became a teenage gangster and did all sorts of crazy bad shit and met Jorah when he and his gang tried to steal from him.  Jorah took a liking to Benkei so kept him as a servant of sorts and became the guy’s surrogate father.  However, Benkei disappeared one day, only to return a couple of times whenever he felt like it and it’s been like that ever since.  When Saya asks about Benkei’s wish, Jorah speculates that Benkei was taking all the swords in order to meet his dad – his dad had a distinct sword and mb Benkei thought one day he’d recognise his dad’s sword and all.  Jorah then goes onto talking about marrying Saya and the convo went like this:

TAKE MY BENKEI.

  HE THE GOOD MAN.

WUH DAH LOOK? U SAYING OUR BENKEI NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HOT GIRL YOU?

BENKEI LOVE U BIC TAIM YOU LO.

why was ah not invited to the party?

HAI DERE BENKEI.  I WAS GETTING HOT GIRL FOR YOU

Saya, let’s go sleep.  Got better things than to humour a drunk

NOW WAIT A SECOND HERE, HOMEBOI-

GO FUCK YOURSELF

and Benkei knocks Jorah out lololol.

The final battle with the Tairas ensue where the Tairas lose but all jump into the sea and drown, rather than face getting captured.  Leo takes down one man under each arm into the water after he hands his sword back to Benkei.  Leo’s dad, papa Leo shows up to avenge his son and upon killing him, Benkei realises that the guy’s sword is exactly like his father’s :o Papa Leo seems to have reached this revelation at the same time and dying, just says that so Benkei is his son before he falls into the water.  Benkei calls for his dad and tells him not to die but has to retreat.

Everyone returns to Saya all doom and gloom and Saya finds out that this is cuz Benkei hasn’t returned.  Yoshi and co tell her that Benkei left his Naginata on the battlefield and that he’s dead.  Saya refuses to believe this shit and when Jorah drops by to tell her that he’s taking the Nagitana, Saya says no, that she’s taking that stick and that she’s gna hunt motherfucker Benkei down.  Tengu appears to take the replica of the magic stone from Saya and leaves again after telling her where Benkei is.

Saya tracks Benkei down after some time and when she finds him inside some rundown temple, she’s so overwhelmed that she collapses on Benkei.  The minute Benkei makes a move to leave, Saya begs him not to leave but it turns out he just went to get her some giant onigiri or something lol and he tells her to eat.  Benkei tells her that he’s sick and tired of this rowdyass world and that there’s nothing more for him out there so now he’s gna become a hikkikomori monk.  Saya says that she ain’t leaving either and decides to become a monk too with Benkei right ere so Benkei, in his usual passive aggressive manner, starts some hardcore script readings and then forces her to wash and scrub down the entire place a buhjillion times over again the whole day.  When night falls and he sees that Saya still hasn’t given up, he tells her to stop and that he was trolling her and being an ass to try and get her to leave.  Saya replies that she isn’t leaving the place without Benkei so smd so Benkei concedes. He’s about to make a fire to warm Saya up but there’s not wood ere or anything so…huggy time ;)

So begins Saya’s life with Benkei in the temple and shit.  The next night though, Benkei hasa  nightmare and holding Saya’s hand, he finally opens up about his past.  His noble dad knocked up his common folk mama, would always drop by to show him his royal sword.  Dad dumps em both one day, mother goes nuts and Benkei’s abandoned at a temple.  Benkei becomes rowdy as hell, runs away and did all sorts of gangsta shit, met Jorah, left Jorah and then traveled Japan.  He saw tons of shit like kids starving and mad at the world, he wished for a new world where kids would never starve.  So began his quest 1000 swords and he figured he could find his pops the same way.

Saya sends a letter out to Yae, who replies soon and tells her that Big Yoshi is hunting down Yoshi and that he’s been split up frmo the rest of his slaves.  Benkei’s adamant about staying a hermit till Saya tells him that Yoshi needs him and that Benkei’s dream is still alive – if he adds the two swords he took from Leo and Papa Leo, he has A THOUSAND SWORDS so pick urself up homie and take those swords to Hidehira already.  Benkei does and off the two go.  They’re atked by Big Yoshi’s men where Benkei is hesitant to fight but the mo the soldiers target Saya, he goes cray and cuts the fuck out of everyone.

The two travel for months or whatever, plodding their way back to Halo where as they draw closer, Saya reminisces the good times they all had together but when she realises that they can never be partying with TSUGUNOBU, she starts crying and Benkei hugs her, telling her that shit’s gon be ok and that he’s gon take her home so don’t cry.  Here, Saya can’t hold it in anymore and blurts out that she likes Benkei big time but…

LOLOLOL BENKEI.  Benkei basically tramples all over her sentiments, telling her that she’s just a kid and shit and that she’s mistaken as fuck, while Saya fumes the entire time cuz “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HUGGED ME WTF WHATS ALL THIS KANCHIGAISURUNA SHIT NIG”.  Saya’s intent on staying mad the entire time but the two finally find Koutarou and TSUGUNOBU’S little bro, TAKANOBU.  The 4 have to walk through a city but since everyone’s out to hunt em down, they 4 have to lie themselves through and when the guard suspects that Saya is Yoshitsune in disguise, all hell breaks loose for Benkei – it’s a lot funnier with screenshots so here goes:

THIS HOE BE MY WAIFU

BITCH WHY U SO MAN.  I BEEN TELLING YOU TO DRINK MORE PAPAYA MILK

OH YOU SO EMBARRASS ME!! PPL THINK I’M GAY NOW

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF YOU TITLESS BUTCH LESBIAN

SO SRY MR. GUARD.  HOOKER, STRIP. SHOW EVERYONE YOUR MOSQUITO BITES

BEnKEI YOU BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAKAKAKAKKAKAKKA

WHAT U JUS CALL ME HOE HOW DARE YOU CALL YOUR HUSBAND AN IDIOT OH WOE IS ME I’VE MARRIED AN OLD HAG

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JUST STRIP ALREADY.

rofl in the end, Saya breaks down crying and the guardsman is just so appalled by Benkei’s harsh treatment of his wife that he just lets em through and tells Saya to leave a wifebeater like Benkei already.  TADANOBU tells Benkei to go apologise for being a dickfuck and tells him that he KNOWS Benkei likes Saya.  Benkei doesn’t confirm this and just tells Tadanobu that a sinner like himself (cuz there’s no bigger sin than kinslaying) can’t possibly make Saya happy but he apologises to Saya anyway.

The 4 of em finally find Yoshi and save him from a bunch of soldiers.  Yoshi’s damn pissed at Benkei and basically acts like an angry wife screaming at a hubby who comes home drunk but after Yoshi smacks the guy some times with his fan, errthing’s alright.  Saya finally gets to shower, gets tidied up and everyone’s like “DAMN GURRRLLLL” cept for Benkei so TADANOBU tells Benkei to tell her she’s pretty but,..

Benkei ends up praising her KIMONO LOL.

But he finally gets it out some time later ;)

Benkei gives Hidehira his two swords to add to his collection of 998 and Blablabla Hidehira dies , his son YASU’s head of Halo now.The entire gang is sick of seeing Benkei and Saya not hooking up but try as they might to give em some alone time, Benkei keeps ruining shit so it goes nowhere.  Saya visits Yasu because she suspects him of wanting to betray Yoshi and with her magical eyes, she senses that he’s lying.  Yoshi asks whether Saya’s magical eyes can read ppl’s thoughts and when she says no, Yoshi decides that in that case, they can’t be certain that Yasu’s a lowly cretin so he’ll go talk to the guy first.  Benkei escorts Saya back and he shiftily asks if Saya REALLY CAN’T read people’s minds and Saya decides to troll some so she tells him that she actually can…

…and dear god Benkei…I can’t believe you think those things!

SO YOU KNEW.

Right on cue, Benkei blushes like “NO IT’S NOT WHAT IT SEEMS” before he gets mad and calls Saya a sinful woman for pretending not to know shit when she really does.  Course Saya doesn’t know wtf he’s on about so she lets the cat out of the bag lol.

Yasu betrays Yoshi so one night, dem soldiers come to get Yoshi and co where Yoshi screams at everyone to flee cuz he’s the target.  His gang tell him to stfu cuz they ain’t abandoning their master but Yoshi commands Benkei to flee with Saya or she’ll die.  Saya yells that she’s staying put too with Benkei and when Benkei hears this, his control over his monk penis finally breaks and he suddenly kisses Saya and here, Saya realises just how much Benkei loves her BUT IF ONLY HE HAD SAID SOMETHING.  He then lets go of her, tells her to flee and be happy.  Saya listens for once and runs off.

GOOD END

Outside, she charges past a handful of soldiers with the help of Yukichan and makes it to the hills.  Back with Yoshi, its 4 against like 500 and the place is on fire.  Tadanobu and Koutarou fall, leaving only Yoshi and Benkei and knowing that this is the end, Yoshi again, commands Benkei to fucking run to Saya and tells Benkei that she is the key to a new Halo and he makes Benkei promise to always protect her.  Benkei finally agrees to run and not a moment too soon, cuz soldiers found Saya so Benkei beats em up and runs with Saya.

Halo is raped and pillaged and Big Yoshi takes over shit.  Benkei and Saya flee Northwards or sth with Saya’s servants and since then, Benkei hasn’t said anything about the kiss and Saya turns back to retrieve Benkei’s two swords.  When she presents em to Benkei, he loses control of his dong again and grabs her, telling her that she’s beautiful and that he loves her.  Saya decides to start her Kichiji Merchant thingy again and Benkei swears to be by her side.

Some time later, Saya and Benkei are travelling the land, having met Jorah or sth i forgot but the thing is, the two are happy. A  skinny, starving kid shows up and Saya offers some food to him.  When the kid leaves, Benkei smiles and comments that…

He wants kids ;D

Dense as a brick Saya chimes in that she wants em too, they so cute and all before she sees Benkei all <;) and realises OH YOU WANT US HAVING KIDS LOL WHOOPS before she gets all fumbly blushing like “Well…I-I guess we could…yeah STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT”and Benkei tells her she’s adorable when she gets all flustered

BAD END

Saya runs back to the gang and sees Benkei the BADFUCKINGASS at his famous death of standing there like some fucking hugeass mothafucking Chogath blocking all the arrows and the blocking the path to his Yoshi and nakama.  The soldiers shit themselves till they realise the monk’s dead then take Yoshi’s head and leave.  Saya throws herself into the inferno with Benkei and burns with them all in his arms.

HOLY FUCK I WROTE SO MUCH I LOVE WIFEBEATER BENKEI WHY HE SO FAAAHHHNNNNYYYY <3

Koutarou

Yoshi’s second slave.  Kouta’s the shota of the game but ain’t the angelic, stupid baby boy type and is instead, tsundere as hell and spends his time being rowdy in the group and shit.  He’s super self conscious of his height like Mahiro from HnK and does stretching exercises to grow taller lolol.  Since he’s around the same age as Saya, the two become best of friends, with Saya being the nice sweet one and Kouta being horribly abrasive all the time to her.  Hell he won’t admit it no matter what, but he has a soft spot for Saya and always freaks out when she starts crying and shit

The first half of Kouta’s route is just him being rowdy with Saya and shit.  At the Hanami, he gets down when he remembers his now gone older bro so Saya grabs him and tells him that she’ll be his big sis then lololol

Another time when everyone goes to the hot springs, Saya overhears a convo b/t TADANOBU and Kouta abt her.  Tadanobu teases Kouta about Saya who totally freaks tsundere style and goes about how she’s sooo lame and how he hates her and all rofl but he promptly tells her he didn’t mean anything when he realises Saya is there.

Blabla fastforward to the war shit cuz holy fuck I’ve written way too much for Benkei and Yoshi.  Kouta’s prob is that he can’t really fight like a warrior, being a street urchin and all so he wants to learn how to swordfight for realz…which is way harder than he thinks.  He tries to cleave some bamboo into half, fails but TSUGUNOBU tells him to keep chopping up bamboo cuz that shit’s similar to…HUMAN BONES >:D  The very notion of killing unnerves Kouta and indeed, during their first battle, he fails to do shit and needs Benkei to rescue him.

He emos for a bit but thanks to Saya, picks himself up but the same thing happens again next battle and he does jack.  This time, Tsugunobu dies.  Figuring that he’s pretty much useless in battle, Kouta decides to go off and do sth else and manages to get Yoshi some 30,000 extra soldiers. Blablabla fighting shit, Taira clan drowns emselves and Yoshi wins.  However, Big Yoshi starts hunting down Yoshi so the gang try to make it across the stormy sea but get split up.

When Saya wakes up, she’s snuggled in right next to Kouta – turns out she got knocked out at shore so Kouta’s been dressing her wounds and keeping her warm next to him.  He tells her that he freaked shit when he saw her lying there, lifeless and Saya thanks him for saving her.  Kouta tells her not to worry and to go sleep and he’ll later go around hunting for other survivors.

Kouta finds Tadanobu and Yoshi but soldiers come to get em and Tadanobu, the selfless bastard, stays behind to fend em all off.  The other 3 hide out in a hut some way further down where Yoshi’s become some emofag and emos about how sad his life is how pathetic he is how he killed off Tadanobu and Tsugunobu blablabla.  Nothing Kouta and Saya do or say can cheer him up so Kouta decides to ditch the guy – that way, Yoshi will hit rock bottom and uh somehow be reborn (admit it Kouta, u just didn’t want to hear him whine like me lolol).  Kouta and Saya find that Tadanobu’s not dead, just wounded so they patch him up and promise to meet up again in Halo.

Along the way, Kouta tells Saya to continue on by herself and to leave him alone.  Saya refuses to but feels bad cuz she thinks she’s being a bother but at night, Kouta confesses that it’s just that he’s afraid: he ain’t strong like the rest of the gang so he’s afraid that he can’t protect Saya properly.  Well, Saya humps his back and tells him that they’re strong together so it’s alright.  Cuz the atmosphere’s all nice and romantic, Kouta’s about to confess but stops himself cuz uh talk about inappropriate timing huehueheu.  Oh and I forgot but Kouta’s whole fam was killed in front of him by thieves and his whole village was set on fire.  The thieves spared him and took him into their group.  They targeted Yoshi one day but Kouta betrayed the thieves, got his revenge on those mofos and asked Yoshi to let him be the guy’s slave.  Sth like that.

Kouta runs around finding Benkei and all the other men and everyone meets up with Halo.  Yoshi’s not mad cuz he knew what Kouta was doing and all is good for a while till Tengu shows up one day to tell Yoshi that if he stays in Halo, they’re all fucked and he shows Saya a vision of Halo burning to the ground.  Saya tells Kouta this and tells him that she’s afraid he’ll die in war.  Kouta’s like “YEAH DIE HONOURABLY THOUGH WORTH IT” till HIDEHIRA’s like “dumb fuck there’s no such thing as dying honourably; everyone becomes a sack of meat and bones at death.  The only thing one can do is LIVE HONOURABLY” FUCK YEAH HIDEHIRA LIKE A BOSS.

GOOD END

Anyway, the gang runs off the fight again, leaving Saya behind.  Before Kouta goes, he tells Saya to wait for him to come home cuz then he has sth to tell her.  When the gang come home though, YASUHIRA’s sent to men to get Yoshi and has the gang surrounded.  Everyone yells at Saya to run but when she breaks down crying that she’ll die together with the gang, Kouta hugs her and tells her that he’s in love with her and that he doesn’t want the woman he’s in love with to die.  Yoshi though, commands Kouta to run the fuck away and protect Saya so Kouta and Saya flee together.

In the end, the two start anew in Kouta’s hometown or sth and become merchants.  One day while selling shit, some monk comes along, telling the heroic tale of Yoshitsune and his men.  The monk mentions how one of Yoshi’s men was still alive but no one knows where and Kouta cuts in here to tell the monk that, that man is long dead.  The monk thanks Kouta for telling him that before leaving and when Saya asks whether it was ok to lie to the monk like that, Kouta says he’s got no time for anything else cept for the business and Saya ;)

BAD END

Saya goes off the question Yasu’s intentions and ends up riling the guy and getting herself stabbed or sth.  Kouta comes in last minute cuz he thought she was being shady but he can’t do anything cept cry and tell her that she can’t die yet cuz he still has sth to tell her.  Saya tells him the same and kicks the bucket.

Tsugunobu

Yoshi’s slave #3.  Yes, Tsugunobu’s the guy who keeps dying lolol so that already cements his bamf status.  Like Benkei, he doesn’t really talk much but that’s just cuz all he cares about is making swords and swinging around pretty swords.  He’s serious, socially awkward and a manly fuck – the complete opposite of his little bro, TADANOBU.  Oddly enough, he’s also a pro sword dancer, sucks dick at cooking and WTF HAS THE MOST ROMANCE IN HIS ROUTE.

So Tsugunobu’s the horribly awkward guy who’d prefer that the entire world leave him alone as he goes off into his little hut to hammer swords.  He’s not very good with Saya at first cuz a) she’s a girl and b) she’s a kid but he grows fond of her and gets super protective lol.

Now let’s skip 4 years ahead cuz damn I really need to get this over with.  Saya’s developed a crush on Tsugunobu, something taht errone can see BUT dense as hell Tsugunobu himself.  When Tsugunobu hears that a monk called MONKAKU is in Kyoto, he heads off there with Saya and catches the monk cursing HIDEHIRA.  However, Tsugunobu’s been instructed not to cause a scene so he and Saya run home but not before Monkaku takes a good look at em.

When the two go home, the rest of the gang are all like “HURHURHUR WHAT U GUYS BEEN DOING ALONE IN KYOTO ;)” but dumbass Tsugunobu’s just like “???” to the entire thing.  Saya continues to find excuses to visit Tsugunobu at work but no progress is made cuz the guy is so fucking dense and brisk all the time.  His lil bro, Tadanobu, tells him to pay more attention to Saya so the next time she visits, he decides to teach her swordfighting. OMFG HER EYES ARE SO FUCKING BIG SHE LOOKS RETARDED

Saya’s like totally enjoying her one on one sessions with Tsugunobu but gets all jealous when he starts talking about a revered woman warrior called TOMOE GOZEN who was a total bamf and when Saya asks if Tsugunobu likes strong people, Tsugunobu answers yes so Saya decides to become even stronger than Tomoe Gozen.  Rofl wtf stupid shoujo protagonist Saya.

One day, Saya sees Monkaku hanging around so like the dumbass she is, she decides to just race after the OBVIOUSLY VERY DANGEROUS MONK I MEAN LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE WTF IS WRONG WITH HIS EYES and the guy almost kills her till he realises that she’s the new Kichiji head when she can tell that his sword is a magical sword.  He’s about to take her hostage till Yuki chan comes in to save her ass and Monkaku decides to conveniently let her go for now.  When Saya gets back, it’s super late and everyone’s super worried.  Saya goes over to Yoshi and co, where she finds out that Tsugunobu has been shitting himself racing all over town to find her and when he comes back, he freaks out about how he thought she got killed or sth but before he gets too worked up, he catches himself and excuses himself from the place.  Saya goes after Tsugunobu where the guy goes into an angry tirade of how Saya could have gotten killed and how she was supposed to call him for help no matter what.  Bottom line is, she’s to promise to always go to him for everything and anything and that she’s not to run around alone now anymore.

  Soon after that, Tsugunobu finds himself paying more attention to Saya and the gang has to go off and fight.  Saya tells Tsugunobu to promise her to not die but Tsugunobu says he can’t; instead, he promises that whenever he thinks he’s about to die, he’ll think of her, pick himself up and fight to live on and he gives her a little dagger he made before he goes.

So Saya’s sitting at home anxiously waiting for everyone to come home and playing with the dagger Tsugunobu gave her, she realises that he engraved a little flower at the hilt for it. but when they do, Tsugunobu’s not with em and it turns out he was shot and got washed into the sea.  Like in Benkei’s route, Saya’s the only one who believes Tsugunobu ain’t dead so she sets off on a journey to find the guy and Tengu again, shows up to direct her to Tsugunobu.  The mo Saya finds Tsugunobu, she glomps the guy and weeps about how she’s been dying to see her etc.  To her utmost surprise, Tsugunobu hugs her back and tells her that he kept thinking he was gna die but every time, he’d see her face and remember that he cudn’t die yet cuz he needed to tell her sth: “AI RABU YUUU <3”.

He also carved that little flower in the image of her, to show her that he had feelings for her.

…wait what?

A CONFESSION IN THE 5TH CHAPTER AND NOT AT THE END?  AND IT’S DENSE, AWKWARD TSUGUNOBU WHO GETS IT OUT FIRST?

SHAME ON ALL YOU OTHER CHARACTERS.

Saya and Tsugunobu are lovey dovey for some time till they receive news that Yoshi’s on the run now blablabla so they set off to Halo to find Yoshi.  Along the way though, they hear that MONKAKU’s in the area so they scale some cliffs to go hunt down that pedo monk

Turns out it was a trap set by Monkaku, he captures both Saya and Tsugunobu and tells Saya to join him cuz he could really make use of all the wealth and power her magical eyes could get him.  Saya tells him to suck cock, Tsugunobu rips off his bindings and slashes Monkaku to bits.  Before the monk dies though, he curses Hidehira and then curses Saya too, leaving a curse seal on her arm.

The two get back on track to Halo but they receive news that Hidehira’s dead and Saya’s mark starts going nuts and she blacks out.  They manage to get to the outskirts of Halo where Saya breaksdown when she sees the ruins that remain and the dead bodies piled all around.  Tsugunobu kisses her to calm her down and-

…WAIT WAHT.

TSUGUNOBU GETS A HOT KISS SCENE WITH SLOPPY NOISES??  WTF MAN HOW IS TSUGUNOBU BEING SUCH A MANLY FUCK WHEN HE’S SPOSED TO BE THE BUMBLING BRICK FOOL??

Anyway, Saya calms down but the curse has spread and a few days later, she’s pretty much knocking on death’s door and puking blood everywhere.  Tsugunobu panics and desperately begs her not to die and in a last ditch attempt to save her, slashes his own arm open and rubs his blood all over her and it works cuz he removed Monkaku’s “blood curse” with his own blood….or some shit like that and then just to make sure that the mark’s really gone, Tsugunobu rips off Saya’s clothes to see LOLOL WTF  idk anymore

GOOD END

The two are too late home and turns out that Yoshi and co are dead thanks to fucking YASUHIRA.  The two mope around for a bit but then they get a msg from Chidori and a dying note from Hidehira telling them to basically pick themselves up and create a new Halo together.  Saya declares that she’s gna do just that and Tsugunobu promises to stick with her

In the end, the two are setting off to start the Kichiji business anew.  Just cuz he’s Tsugunobu the super traditional hardhead, he tells Saya again how he feels and

WHAT IS THIS? WE GET A SECOND KISS SCENE WITH SMOOCHY NOISES WTF WHY DOES TSUGUNOBU’S ROUTE ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE AN OTOME GAME ROUTE??

BAD END

Tsugunobu and Saya are jumped before reaching Halo and Tsugunobu and Saya get hit by arrows trying to protect each other.  As they lie dying together, they both talk about what their ‘new life’ will be like; how they’ll continue their journey till they find a new place where they won’t be hunted down anymore; how Saya’s gna start her Kichiji business elsewhere and how they’ll have a house with a little shack where Tsugunobu can continue making his swords.  People will flock to buy his swords and he’ll engrave each one with little flowers and Tsugunobu says he’ll make a thousand swords just for Saya.  They’d live happily ever after with Tadanobu there too and as they draw their last breath, Tsugunobu tells Saya that together they will go.

…I actually CRIED here lol I’m such a pansy fuck me

Tadanobu

Yoshi’s loyal slave #5.  Tadanobu is Tsugunobu’s little bro and he’s as flighty and flirty as Tsugunobu is srs and dumb lol.  Wherever he frolicks, he spreads those horribly potent pheromones of his, attracting women and bitches alike and he has a reputation for being a stupid playboy.  However, as his older bro puts it, it’s not ENTIRELY his fault – women just can’t stay away from him.  And Tadanobu’s not really such a player anyway – the very smell of alcohol gets him drunk and he plays the super bro matchmaker in every other route.  That and he’s really goddamned pretty and a pro archer so I forgive him for everything huehue

Kay I was completely wrong about Tadanobu having morals – he spends a majority of the game hitting on our dear 12 year old Saya and often suffers the wrath of papa Yoshi for being a pedophile lech rofl.  Not that he always asks for it cuz there was a scene where he runs into the hot springs to rescue a fainted Saya but everyone assumes he was being a rapist perve.  The poor guy.

Fast forward to the war shit.  Saya’s starting to like Tadanobu a tad and gets super jealous whenever he’s around his many hoes.  To console her, Tadanobu gives her a bell as a present and tells her he doesn’t give presents to just anyone ;)  When he and the gang have to go off and fight, Saya cries and shit but Tadanobu says they’ll be fine and wipes away her tears.

Tadanobu and co run off to fight and before the big battle, Tsugunobu gives Tadanobu a bow he made just for his little bro.  Tadanobu was too uh idk embarrassed or some shit to say thank you to his bro and woe is him cuz the day of the battle, his older bro is shot down and dies.

Saya runs to the gang the mo she hears about Tsugunobu’s death, where Tadanobu drinks himself silly that night (ie takes half a shot of pussy diluted sake) and finally, his cheery flirty facade slips and he becomes a giant blubbering mess.  He tells Saya that his personality came about because of Tsugunobu: his older bro was also so damn good at everything (cept for cooking huehue) that Tadanobu could never be better than him at anything so he pretty much gave up on trying and became a floozy skirtchaser.  However, when Tsugunobu showed an interest in swords, Tadanobu decided to become an archer just so he could be better than his older bro at sth.  He actually tried his best at archery so that’s why he’s so boss at it and when his older bro gave him that bow, he realised that his older bro was always looking out for him and made a bow to suit his shooting style. He was super happy and shit but too embarrassed or whatever the fuck to say thank you and now, his older bro is fucking dead.  Brilliant.

In the morning, Tadanobu picks himself up and avenges Tsugunobu in the next battle.  He falls ill or some shit though and needs Saya to take care of him and when she falls asleep next to him, he mutters to himself how Saya’s become so hawt and shit and how his dick’s roaring to any moment lolol

Anyway, Big Yoshi starts hunting down Yoshi so the gang try to escape through a storm but get scattered.  Tadanobu ends up with Saya and the two decide to journey to Halo to meet everyone there.  When they pass the mountains where they did their hanami thing, they rmb dem good times with everyone, get sad that Tsugunobu’s dead so they hug each other to death.  AND TALK ABOUT INCONSISTENT ARTSTYLE WHO’S THAT GIRL IN TADANOBU’S ARMS

Blablabla everyone reunites in Halo, Hidehira dies, Yasu’s after Yoshi now and cuz Yoshi’s an awesome bro, he makes Tadanobu hold off the enemies while he and everyone else escape yet in truth, the enemies aren’t even where Tadanobu is and he said that just so Saya can run back to Tadanobu and the two can run away and live.  Thank fuck Tadanobu doesn’t pull a Benkei and refuse to run and instead, thanks Yoshi for being so awesome and runs off with Saya, confessing that he loves her big time and shit.

GOOD END

In the end, the two of em live happily ever after in Tadanobu’s old village or sth where Tadanobu mentions that he wants to have two sons who’ll be bros like he and Tsugunobu were.

BAD END

The two of em flee but a month after, the soldiers catch up and shoot the both of em to death.

Wow I’m writing less and less for each character now lololol

Tengu

OMFG I’M FINALLY DOWN TO THE LAST GUY.  The TENGU teacher of Yoshi who keeps popping in and out everywhere and anywhere to do as he pleases…so he’s kinda like a creepy pedobear with a magical tardis lol.  He’s super mysterious, never speaks straight and you always get the feeling that he’s mocking you somehow under that fabulous mask of his but despite how he’s sposed to be all powerful and shit, The Emperor has somehow got Tikage wrapped around his little finger and the poor Tengu’s gta run around doing errands for the guy.

In his route, he meets Saya before she meets the gang and is quite disappointed to see that she’s just your average 12 yr old loli shitting herself when she sees Tengu him.  However, Saya sees that he’s more than just a monster and senses all that unhappiness inside of him and finds herself asking him why he’s playing the monster when he’s not one.  Tengu is taken aback but pleased that her magical eyes are working, wipes her memory of him and leaves the place.

He shows up again when Saya’s doing the hanami thing with all her friends and cuz Saya doesn’t rmb him, is shitting herself all over again and spends the next half hr trying to run from him rofl but gets nowhere.  He tells her to calm the fk down cuz he’s only here to see dem flowers like her.  In fact, he’ll give her an even better view of things so he picks her up, hops up onto the highest branch and shows her all dem pretty flowers. Saya’s sad when the flowers end, saying that she won’t forget the view her whole life but the Tengu realises he’s being too “human” and tells her that’s not possible and he wipes her memory of what happened again.

Finally, he shows up to kidnap her and when Saya sees him, she feels like she’s seen him before but can’t rmb shit.  She forces herself to rmb, giving herself crazy headaches despite the Tengu’s warning to stop fighting against his magic before he takes her in his arms and tells her no srsly, it’s for her own good.  Saya can’t rmb everything but asks whether they met in the woods not too long ago.  Tengu’s surprised his mahee boojoo wafoo shit doesn’t work on Saya but then in comes Yoshi and co so he leaves Saya alone for now.

Skip to the war shit.  Saya’s now 16 with the gang and they haven’t seen the Tengu since.  One day, he appears though to take him but Yoshi and co tell him to gtfo so he does for now.  Yoshi defends Tengu and says he isn’t a monster – they guy is human, he has his reasons.  Saya agrees cuz her magical eyes see that the poor guy is bound to someone, has no freedom and is playing the part of a monster.  Curious, she decides to go along with the Tengu, believing that he won’t ever HURT her so the Tengu takes her and brings her to Kyoto.

There, she’s brought before The Emperor who tells her that he wants the wealth her magical eyes can bring him for the sake of stabilising Japan.  Saya calls bs on this and tells him that her magical eyes are only for Halo and The Emperor is irked but likes her guts so he lets her go for now.  Before she leaves though, The Emperor’s right hand man or sth, Mr.Lardass, stops Saya and asks whether she knows a princess of Kyoto called TSUYU cuz Saya looks like her.  She was reknowned for her beauty, had a buhjillion pursuers but one day, her family failed or sth so she was married off to some old rich dude.  She couldn’t stand being forced to marry some old geezer so she ran away one day and no one knows what happened to her.  Saya realises that Tsuyu’s probably her mom and that night, runs off to where her old place was and gets saved by Tengu when bandits attack.  Saya asks if she can talk about her ma to Tengu and finds herself rambling abt her dead mother to Tengu, who silently listens.  When he’s about to leave, Saya grabs him and says that she wants to know more about him.

The emperor is sick of playing games soon and when Saya refuses to join him the second time, he chucks her into a cell with no food and water.  Tengu to the rescue though and he takes her home.  Saya comes home and sees a bunch of ppl starving and dying on the street and decides to open her graineries and give food to everyone.  However, the hungreh ppl start raping each other to get the food and Saya blacks out in the crazy trampling.  When she wakes up, she’s in some llittle cave with Tengu hovering over her like some pervert huehuehue.  He tells her not to move cuz he’s treating her wounds, and when she rmbs what happened, Saya starts crying at her stupidity for causing dem poor ppl to fight amongst themselves and shit.  Tengu asks whether she knows how foolish she’s been but wipes away her tears and tells her not to cry.

Saya stays with Tengu for the next few days with the guy nursing her back to health.  He makes all kinds of funky non japoingnese food but goddamn is he a good cook.  He tells her that this food is foreign and comes from lands far West where the people have red hair, blonde hair, green eyes and blue eyes.  Saya lols at this and says that it’s impossible to have blue or green eyes – they’d be friggin demons.  But she’d like to trade with those demons some day.  Tengu seems to take insult at this and their convo ends.  So the two hang around each other some more and Saya one day asks what Tengu’s real name is cuz calling him Tengu all day is douchebaggy – he is human after all no matter what he claims to be.  Tengu tells her everyone calls him “MIKAGE” so Saya calls him that from now on.

Yae comes looking for Saya and finally finds the little hideout thanks to Yuki and the fearless motherfucker draws her sword on the Tengu and tells the lolicon nig to fuck off.  Saya refuses to go home though cuz she somehow feels like she wants to stay with Tengu and she tells Yae she’ll be home soon no worries.  Yae warns Tengu to not touch her Saya before she leaves and when Tengu asks why Saya wanted to stay, she replies

YOUR FOOD IS GOOD

LOL OKAY SURE.  Rofl fucking Tengu believed that shit.

Saya finds herself getting curious about what’s underneath that mask but cuz Mikage won’t tell her anything when she asks so like any dumb fucking CHRISTINE DAAE from Phantom of the Opera, Saya sneaks up on a seemingly asleep Mikage and tries to take his mask.  Well the guy totally flips shit and grabbing her neck, asks whether she wants to die so fucking bad at the hands of a monster.  He tells her if he ever pulls a shit stunt like this, he’ll fucking kill her before he chucks her down and sits back down as though nothing happened.  Shitting herself, Saya apologises weakly before she runs outside and goes home, realising that she’s pissed off Mikage and been too much of a stupid brat to stay around him

Tengu doesn’t show up for days and feeling shit, Saya decides to go hunt down Mikage to go apologise.  Mikage doesn’t say anything to her apology but when Saya asks if she can visit again, he just tells her to do as she wants and disappears. So Saya starts visiting Mikage regularly now and he reveals to her that he’s met her mother before once (goddamn how old is Mikage?).  The two talked about the stars and when Saya wonders when she’ll see Yoshi and co again, Mikage tells her that the stars say in about 2-3 years.

One day, ppl appear at Mikage’s door and tell him that an OTOMAE-sama is in trouble.  Mikage immediately teleports there and Saya chases after them somehow.  She ends up in some red light district or sth rofl but when she utters Mikage’s name, ppl usher her to some building where she’s put before some hoe called KAGOME.  Apparently, Mikage’s the head of THE GREEN PIGS with Kagome and some rogue members killed Harutaka in the beginning of the game, which is why Mikage had the rock.  Kagome knows who Saya is and tells her that Mikage is on the floor below, seeing someone dear to him – his MOM.  She’s been on her deathbed for some time now and a man then enters, telling Kagome that Otomae has died.  Mikage shows up seconds later, asking wtf Saya is doing here but she only manages to tell him that she was worried before he hugs him and starts crying.  Knowing the pain of losing a mother, Saya tells Mikage that he won’t ever be alone; she’ll always be with him so don’t cry.  Mikage replies that SHE’s the one who’s crying but he returns the embrace.

3 years pass and sure enough, Yoshi and co have done most of their warring and have come home.  Everybady’s super WAIWAI and Saya tells Mikage that she’s happiest with Yoshi and co.  Mikage gets all testy and tells her to go back home then if hanging around the gang is so much better than hanging with some freaky Tengu like him.  Big Yoshi then starts hunting down Yoshi and The Emperor tells Saya that he’ll give protection to Yoshi and co if she joins him.  Yoshi tells him to suck a dick, he ain’t giving Saya to him so the crew decide to journey to Halo.  Mikage shows up though and tells Saya not to go cuz Yoshi’s gna get her killed but Saya tells him to bugger off.  Mikage says he wont let her go but when he grabs her, out comes Tadanobu and he takes a shot at the guy’s head, splitting Mikage’s mask.  Mikage flees and Saya here, decides that she wants Mikage so she dumps the gang and chases after Mikage.

She catches up and tells Mikage to stop fucking running away but he only pounces on her and asks whether this is what she wanted to see, the face of a demon monster – “I’m hideous aren’t I?  Me and my fucking GLOW IN THE DARK FUCKING EYES”.  However, the first words out of Saya’s mouth are that Mikage is beautiful and that his eyes are the most beautiful things she’s ever seen in her life.  At this, Mikage freaks and runs away.  omg Mikage reminds me of someone ugh I just can’t put my finger on it…

Saya then gets captured by The Emperor’s men but in comes Mikage to save her and for the first time in his life, he turns against the Emperor.  The Emperor shits himself and Mikage runs with Saya.

Back in his cave, Mikage tells Saya that he’s realised for the first time that The Emperor is just a smelly old man and that he ain’t gna follow him anymore.  Saya tells Mikage again, that he’s beautiful and doesn’t understand why he’s a monster.  He tells her that it’s dem fucking highlighter eyes of his but that it runs deeper than that – his family comes from the far West, far away from jp and are an old old religious line with God blood in this or sth rofl which is why he says he isn’t human – HE’S MORE THAN HUMAN.  They’ve been living as performers or sth to avoid being hunted down as Satanist demons.  As for Saya?  He’s the Miko of ARABAHAKI, an old old Shinto God that is now long forgotten.  The Kichiji family were religious devotees of the ARABAHAKI line but soon, the God was demonised so the worshippers were hunted down and thus, the Kichiji dudes passed themselves off as merchants to survive and they were able to do this because of the magical rock that chose their family.  It’s more than just a rock that signalises where precious minerals are; it’s a powerful ass rock that can grant the wishes of anyone blablabla some philosopher stone thing rofl wtf.  So Saya, YOU AIN’T HUMAN EITHER.  Mikage tells her that she is the one who broke his shackles and now, he wants to create a world with her for his and her kind where they won’t be oppressed by these goddamned humans anymore.

Saya’s like “KAY SOMEONE’S BEEN TAKING TOO MAY MAGIC MUSHROOMS AH SEE CUZ ME AND YOU, WE HUMAN” and tells Mikage that she can’t become some Maou rofl and that she has Yoshi and co to think about and Halo too.  Disappointed, Mikage tells her to leave but before she does, Saya kisses Mikage and the guy goes like “I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR LOVE FROM UR HOT MOIST LIPS”

He tells her that he’ll go with her anywhere from now but he’s got sth to do first so brb.  He goes back to The Emperor who shits himself upon seeing Mikage but Mikage says that he only came to bid him farewell.  He’s breaking off the chains that bound him to The Emperor and as The Emperor goes on about how Mikage’s his blablabla, Mikage finishes off by telling him that Otomae loved him till the end and that he’s thankful for everything…FATHER.

GOOD END

Finished, Mikage returns to Saya and they join Yoshi’s gang at Halo where everyone thinks Mikage’s some weird demon rofl like Kouta.  Anyway, Hidehira’s almost dead but he tells Yasu to become the Fujiwara head and to defend Halo with Yoshitsune.  Obv. Yasu isn’t gna do that and ends up betraying the lot of them.  Mikage tries to talk him out of it but fails and the gang get surrounded by a buhjillion soldiers.  Yoshi yells at Chidori and Yae to run with Saya and Mikage tells Saya that he can’t go with her – what kind of teacher ditches his disciples?  He tells her if luck is on their side, they’ll meet again.

Chidori and Yae drag a screaming Saya from the place and soon, they hear that the entire gang has died.  Kagome flips shit at Saya and blames her for not using the rock’s power – she could have done anything she wanted with it yet she held on to the naive notion of solving everything by human means.  Saya breaks down and tries to run back to the scene to find Mikage but trips and bleeds all over.  In despair, she picks up the rock and almost chucks it away but before she can, she’s enveloped in a white light and suddenly brought back to just BEFORE Yasu’s men came to kill the gang.

Realising that the rock has given her one more chance to fix shit, she drags Mikage to the Fujiwara Shrine or sth that Hidehira made to honour all his forefathers and their prayers.  She tells Mikage that the bell here can be heard all over Halo and when they ring it, Yasu’ll definitely rmb his father’s words and stop.  Mikage at this point, has noticed all the blood on Saya’s hand so  she reveals the thing with the rock and kissing her hands, Mikage tells her that she’s their saviour and they ring the bell together.  Sure enough, Yasu hears the bell and rmbing his father’s words, he calls his men off and the gang are saved.  He goes to Yoshi the next day to apologise and the two join hands once more to protect Halo.

AAAAND at this point, Otomate’s realised that they’ve put too much war shit in Genroh rofl so they make everything superanticlimatic by having Big Yoshi go “Oh wellz another day :3” so Halo is saved LOLOL.  Everyone is partying partying YEAH and super tired, Mikage takes Saya home and carries her bridal style the rest of the way so she can kip some.

OMG I’VE GOT IT –  MIKAGE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING SEPHIROTH.

In the end, everyone’s living happily in Halo and Mikage’s gone up to the hills to Hanami some with Saya.  When she talks about how she had so much fun with the gang the first time here, Mikage comments that he rmbs too before rmbing that Saya’s memories of that are gone.  Yuki comes down for the last time to say bye before he leaves for good and as the two watch Yuki fly off, Mikage says that one day, they’ll go somewhere far far away to the West to his hometown.  Saya agrees before Mikage kisses her, tells her that he loves her and that he’ll be with her whenever and wherever from now on.

BAD END

Saya chooses to use the rock’s power way before the whole thing with Hidehira dying and shit and against this, Yoshi and co ditch her and go to Halo themselves.  However, THE ROCK USES SAYA instead and ends up warping her entire personality – she decides that she dgaf about Halo or Yoshi and co and when she hears that they’ve died at thehands of Yasu, she only comments that they were idiots to not follow her.  Now she’s gonna raise hell on Big Yoshi and the rest and take over the whole of Japan.  In the end, she’s become the conqueror of the world with Mikage, who realises she’s totally batshit now but loves her anyway and Saya for a moment, realises that she’s being used by the rock cuz its true power is to bring out the evil and desires in ppl but she she doesn’t care cuz she has Mikage with her.  U kno, this is the ONLY CG that I’ve thought that Saya  was actually PRETTY lol but her hand looks a tad fucked up.

Afterthoughts and Conclusion

O

M

F

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I’M FINALLY FINISHED.  3 1/2 FUCKING WKS OF LATE NIGHTS IT TOOK ME.

And I don’t regret it a tad :D  DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHY?  

YES BENKEI <3

I don’t know how many times I roflcoptered and squeed while playing his routes but omg the guy was such a passive aggressive deredere douchebag it was just hilarious.  Too adorable I love Benkei I want an FD for Benkei Benkei <3

And hey guess what, I liked ALL THE GUYS :O There wasn’t that one dickhead character that I hated or anything; only characters that I liked better than others (YES I’M LOOKING AT YOU BENKEI).  Yoshi was adorable, Tsugunobu turned out to be so manly AUFNAKSDBFKSDBFKABSDKFBASKDJFBLASKDJBF MIKAGE T.T  Dicks, if there’s one thing this game got right, it was dem characters.  And I want a route with Leo and Chidori too.

Saya was retarded though lol.  I hear a lot of ppl hated her and I get why – she got on my nerves a hell lot with her “TAKE MEH ALONG WITH U TO WAR” shit but I didn’t HATE her – I found her pretty cute still.  Idk, I mean I loved Lulu from WOF while the rest of Japan seemed to hate her so I guess I’m not uh “otome” enough like the majority of the players rofl.

Damn. The. Art.  It’s amazing and I love the artist but GODDAMNIT THE CONSISTENCY WAS SO FUCKING BAD and Saya STOP LOOKING LIKE A 12 YR OLD IT DESTROYS THE CGs

AND FUCK THE LENGTH.  99% war shit YAY MY FAVOURITE ==  Yes I got engrossed in it the first 2 times but skdfnskafnkdsfnsakfskdf this is an OTOGE not like…idk, fucking RISK or Game of Thrones (<3).  The supernatural aspect of it was weird too like wtf a magical rock and all and I was disappointed in Yoshi’s route seeing as he’s sposed to be the main guy and all.  And I felt pretty awk playing the game at times cuz I kept seeing everyone as a pedophile perving on Saya and waiting for her to er, flower and be ready for uh boning.  Idk man everyone except for Kouta was at least 8 yrs older than her I’m guessing and from what I can make out with Benkei’s supposed death dates irl + my shitty maths, I’m pretty sur ethe guy was like 13 yrs older than Saya or sth.   Not exactly squicky like FUCKING NISE NO CHIGIRI OLD MAN but I still got huge pedobear vibes the whole game…and don’t even get me started on Mikage rofl that guy’s gta be 40 or sth idk man, either that or he ages different cuz of his magic.  Yes I know it was the norm back then but the idea of a bunch of older dudes targeting a 12 yr old still feels rather bizarre.

Well, either way, I loved the game.  To top it off, it had a damn good soundtrack, the option to choose which chapters to go to and a cute little omake that gave us this wonderful picture of Benkei ready to kill that pervert kitty on Saya’s titless chest:

Oh Benkei <3

Yes, I know we all hate super long waffley war games but I think Genroh was worth it; play it for Benkei, Tsugunobu and Mikage’s routes cuz those were the best I’d say.

Fuck yeah Benkei <3  Now time for HnK 4 before I get assraped by my midterms in two weeks lolol